In the Shute, almost!
Approaching the finnish line of a distance race, there is what’s called the shute, leading up to the finnish line. And Team DeAnne is ALMOST IN THE SHUTE!!!!!
I have wimped and wailed and roared my way through this chemo marathon. (Sometimes I even acted sort of normal, too.) I have worn a variety of wigs and hats, ranging from Marie-Antoinette, to biker momma, to a cute little auburn bob that is much more coiffed than the rest of me will ever be. I’ve only threatened to throw my hair once, at one ornery student who hadn’t practiced. I even answered the door a few times wearing a fake ‘coon skin cap acquired on some long-ago trip to Disneyland. (That’ll teach those critters to stop comiing in through the cat door at night! Hah!)
I’ve had the best team…from Mom who thinks bald is beautiful and wouldn’t dream of letting me go into a doctor’s appointment alone, ever; to Dad, who shows up and does my yardwork, and heads out in the car when mom can’t reach me on the phone, to look for me. (My continued running habit has caused the parentals some stress.) I think of Jenny, who rocks my world in so many ways I ‘d need another whole year to list them! And Riley, my little panther kitty, who is totally unfazed by emotional outbursts and other cancer related weirdnesses. And my voice teacher who sends me happy little messages and updates, to my running buddies a/k/a “the Herd”, who walk and swim with me when I’m too tired to run…to my dear friends who are there for me even when I’m not there for them…
Honestly, am I blessed or what?! With a team like this, how could cancer even stand a chance?! (Roar!)
I think back to the day I was diagnosed. Just the night before, Mom was saying, “We don’t get cancer in our family! Why would you have cancer? It’s good they’re checking it out, but really, all this drama is not necessary!!!”
After I drove up to her house that Saturday morning, and we both had a royal conniption about it, she called Dad at work. He is more like my sister, and didn’t freak out as outwardly as Mom and I do. (Really, there’s a reason I’m an opera singer, right!?) He said we should take te afternoon and go out to Point Reyes. “Deedee always likes it there!”
Good thinking, Dad! So we headed out through a golden October afternoon. Dabbing tears every so often, we held it together enough to eat a late lunch in one of those cool little restaurants, though I was imagining what it’d be like to be chemo’d and radiated, and couldn’t eat very well. I also kept hearing the death scene from “La Traviata” echoing through my head. Ironically, faced with my own mortality, I realized that maybe, if I survive, someday I could sing that role convincingly. (Before, other teachers and agents always said I was filled with a bit too much “piss and vinegar” to be a demurely fading heroine…come to think of it, maybe that still hasn’t changed…I still say, “Never say die!!!” And I don’t think Violetta (from Traviata) would roar when she’s scared and/or victorious feeling!)
Actually, I’ve come a long way! I’e learned to live with cancer. I don’t like it. I’d prefer my own hair. I’d like my eyelashes back, and the rest of my eyebrows, and my energy, and all that good stuff! I’d like not to have to get poked in the arm by needles!
But nowadays, when Jenny and I drive down to Marin for my chemo infusions, it no longer feels like the launching of a war party. It’s more like business as usual. It’s like the tail end of what had once been a “mission impossible”. Now the novelty has worn off, and it’s time to get this done and over with. We all have lives to get on with!
A while back, I was in the shower after a really cold run in the rain. Suddnely the lights went out! No big deal. Besides, this warm water felt too nice to get out of in a hurry. But then I kept hearing a weird buzzing sound. It was really loud, and seemed to be coming from my house! Sure the house was going to blow up, I leaped from the shower, and flailed to the phone to call PG and E! As I manuevered through the phone loop, I really got my priorities in line…I put my wig on. I realized that if the house were to explode, I didn’t want to be caught without my hair! Underwear…important, but not as crucial as the ‘do…
I’ve come a long way from the girl who cried her way home on a bicycle because her hair was blowing off in the wind. I’ve come a long way from the girl who needed her mommy and sister and daddy to go into the doctor’s with her. (Now, Mom and Jenny go because they’re curious and have read al the magazines in the waiting rooms.) (Dad got a pass to go to work.)
So, coming up on Round 8, better known in my heart as Mile 26.2! I’ll be curious to experience what this finnish line will be like! Cheers! (ROAR!)
Even though we haven’t finnished this one quite yet, I’d like to say thank you as well to my readers. Your comments and support have been so helpful and insightful! We did it! (Almost!)
