Team DeAnne

I’ve always said that cancer won’t make me be pathetic.  Things’ll only be as pathetic as I let them.  And really, I have nothing to complain about.  I still have some energy.  I’m surrounded by people who lovingly accomodate my oh-so-temporary limitations.  I don’t feel sick, just a bit low on energy.  There is so much magic and good in my life!  And I will get better.  Not all cancer patients can know that, without a doubt.  I’m very fortunate.  It feels good to count my blessings.

BUT….I’m losing my hair!!!!! 

What the HELL!!!!!  Did I really think I could beat that too?  Sort of like when I thought I could outsmart the whole chemo thing by eating right and changing my attitude.  Then all three consulted physicians concurred that I could eat as many blueberries and as mush kale as I please, but for this situation, this cancer needed conventional treatment, too.   There really isn’t any easy way around this.  Huh.

I guess you can eat right and still not be one of the lucky ones who miraculously retain their hair.  Nevertheless, as of last night I still looked pretty normal.  I was determined to not let a stupid little side-effect ruin my life.    

Last night, the plan was to go over to my favorite guy’s house.  He was preparing dinner for me, again!  Lots of veggies, because he knows how I am, and his sister had actually made a beautiful spanokopita for us!  She is worried that I’m not able to eat well enough, and remembered how I’d eaten a whole plate of it at a party at her house a few weeks ago. 

I felt tired, and knew my hair was starting to act funky.  But I figured that this wasn’t going to be a big deal.  We all knew  this would happen…at least we now knew the medicine was working and not just creating a more chemo -resistant type of cancer cell, yadda yadda…So I put on a pretty sweater and earrings and was careful with my makeup.  I drove over and we ate a lovely dinner, and I had a hat packed in case the hair suddenly made a beeline for the floor.  It’s not the end of the world, right? 

NOT!!!!  Now all of a sudden, this is real.  I really had cancer, I’m really going for treatment.  I guess I won’t have to worry about people thinking I’m trying to defraud the government for disability or something.  Before, people were a bit suspicious when they’d heard I was now a cancer patient, but they’d see me out running with the wind in my HAIR!!!!   Now they’ll see me out running, a bit slow the first week of a two -week treatment cycle, but either nobly bald, or not so nobly trying to hide baldness!!

Please note that funky looking is not the same thing as funky feeling!!!  I feel fine, once I get over my new look.  (The one I didn’t choose…GRRR.)

 So, all of you students, don’t  be shocked when you see me!  I have plenty of cute hats and stuff to wear.  But at the moment, I feel pathetic!!!  This is just one more thing that I have no control over!  I feel like one of those ficus plants that rains leaves when left in a draft.  If a shake my head, some hair rains down.  If I brush it, it comes out.  There’s no denying it.  I will have yet another new look soon.

Oh well.  At least I can still eat.  Not many chemo patients can do that!   

There was a lady at the oncologists’ office last week.  I’d seen her the week before, and she was completeing her second treatment, and still had her hair!   When I saw her again, she still had her hair, but was having plenty of other problems that sounded much more serious.  So far, my problems are all cosmetic. 

So, I shall focus on the fact that today’s when I can begin detoxing for the next round.  The oncologist and the alternative oncologist both agree that 2 days after reatment is the perfect time to start eating all my fancy mushrooms and antioxidant supplements.  This dang treatment can have my hair, I guess, but it can’t have the health of the rest of me!  I will stay healthy, and positive,  and thus stay on schedule  so I can finnish this thing up once and for good.  Dang it! 

Eighty-two days left of this nonsense, if I can just stay on schedule.  Now, that’s not so pathetic.  Or maybe it’s just a short time, relatively speaking. 

Time to go do something productive, eat some antioxidants, and get over it!!!   Maybe I’ll make a list of 82 things I will do once this is over.

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 28th, 2010 at 6:42 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.