Its been over 5 years now that I've been a mother. Well, just over 6 if you
count the pregnant part, too. So, 6 years that I have had a constant, adoring
audience. This is generally good for my ego, but there are times that you would
love to take a pee in private. While I was dropping my oldest off for preschool
last Wednesday, there were several other gleeful moms comparing notes on what
they would be doing for the 2 1/2 hours that their children were in class. They
were all apparently kid-free: one was going for a massage, another was meeting
her husband for a late lunch, a third was off for a workout and manicure at the
gym. I kissed my oldest good-bye on the cheek, since she decided it's not cool
to kiss on the lips in front of your friends. That was a rough one. She
waffles on it, usually kisses me hello on the lips, but my heart made a noise
like a shattering glass when she made that proclamation the first time. One of
the kid-free moms turned around and smiled at me. I was standing there with a
sleeping 18 month old in the sling, who is looking angelic and drooling all over
me, and holding the hand of a limp as a noodle 4 year old, who has collapsed
under protest when I refused to purchase Cheetos from the vending machine in the
lobby. The KF mom said, kindly "No break for you, eh?" She meant it well, and I
took it in the spirit intended. I'm positive that her child in preschool is her
youngest, and she's been exactly where I am now. But, ooooh, I was so JEALOUS!
I can't envision the day where I leave my baby at school for a few hours and
have both the time and the money to pamper myself. I want to simultaneously be
there RIGHT NOW and to have the day never come. We made it out to the car after
I caved and bought some cheetos. I saw those other moms jumping into their
minivans and SUVs, off for a grown-up afternoon. We went to Target and cruised
around for an hour. It was fun for all three of us. When it comes down to it,
I don't want to rush away from these baby years. I know they grow up so fast
that you can get whiplash trying to watch. There are moms out there who manage
to take time for themselves on a frequent basis. I haven't mastered that.
Anyway, I suspect that midway through a massage, I'd be missing my babies. Or
I'd be asleep. Hah! I could arrange to do these things, too. But I am really
happy to go to Target with the little kids, too. My day will come. I hope that
I will be able to embrace it.