My 20 month old received her first pair of boots from my mom yesterday. Not just
any, boots, mind you - pink cowboy boots with silver stars. This gave my inner
cowgirl a thrill, and she seemed pretty darn pleased. She pranced around, giddy
at the sight of her twinkin' toes. Once we got home, she asked me to take them
off. I placed them on the hall bench at bedtime. I waddled into the kitchen this
morning with my usual trail of ducklings, and as we passed the bench, the baby
grabbed the boots. She wouldn't let me put them on her feet. She wanted them on
her arms, where she waved them around like she was conducting an orchestra while
singing, "Winkle, winkle, STAR, wunner ARE, uppa-bubba-HIGH, mmmmmm SKY!" This
was followed by an instrumental version, consisting of growling the tune while
banging the boots on the cupboards. (We're still working on the lyrics,
obviously. We're thinking American Idol 2018.) I really need a pair of pink
cowboy boots with silver stars. Sometimes you just want to let the world know
who you are without saying a word. I can't think of a better piece of apparel
that would tell it like it is: Unbowed by fashion convention. Likes shiny
things. Values humor above all. Secretly gallops and slaps hip when no one is
looking. Basically, a dork. Prone to emitting "Wahoo!" as a multipurpose
response. Of course, I'm sure I'll never get them. Just like I'll never get a
tattoo that doesn't wash off or place a bumper sticker on my car. Spend a few
minutes with me and decide for yourself whether I'm "SEXY" or that "IT'S ALL
ABOUT ME"... no need to rely on my tshirt's opinion. It's like all these
internet quizzes. We all take them. Do I think they tell me anything valuable,
or are truly revealing? Heck, no. What country are you? What 80s rock band? What
is your flirting style? Are we searching for affirmation of who we are, or
looking for new ways to define ourselves? "Why yes, I'm Ireland. Also, I'm a coy
cutie, with a Def Leppard streak." I would love to know if anyone puts this
information to good use. It is just another symptom of my flair for wasting time
on the internet.