More questions answered!

Carmen asks:

Why does someone always get sick on my birthday?
This is your family's way of distracting you from dwelling on your age. They do it out of love.

What makes me crave chocolate and not, say, lima beans?
This is because you are NORMAL. I would love to know who craves lima beans. You can't crave lima beans. CAN'T.

How am I going to survive the next three months of construction on my house?
I suggest you interview all workers to check for suitable hotness. Besides that, I think a big fat balance on your Starbucks card, and an ipod should do it.

When will I be able to see you again?
Ouch! I just poked myself in my all-seeing eye. I wish I knew.

Oh, wait, one more. Will you let L wear thongs?How about K?
Thongs are perfectly acceptable footwear, and with the kids' Asian heritage, practically mandated. I enjoy thongs myownself, although I have a problem with people who wear socks with thongs. That is just wrong.

Lu wants to know:

What's a classy/witty response to the forlorn look and the "Oh, I'm so sorry" I get when explaining I'm in the process of divorce making me a single mama of two? Oh, and what to do with that uncomfortable pause that comes afterwards where the other party is waiting for details...how does one, if so inclined, provide an explanation for the state of affairs without tripping up in the too much information realm?
First of all, classy and Jenny are mutually exclusive. Are you mocking me?

How about saying "Thanks. You know, I was just too much woman for him." or "It's such a relief. The stink was really overpowering."

I don't know how much people really want to know. If you are pressed for details, you could say "My ex had trouble remembering that marriage means no more girlfriends" or "Our goals were too different - I wanted a faithful husband."

If you don't want people to feel sorry, or you don't want to get into it, I would suggest "Don't be sorry. I'm happier than I've been in years, and am achieving some lifelong goals."

Or you could default to "Well, I thought about killing him, but I don't look good in orange jumpsuits. Besides, alimony rocks."