Seriously, people, I have to be the WORST 'expert opinion' you could possibly get.

Jenni asks:

When will my four year old understand the English language? Will this flaw rub off on my younger children?

As best as I can tell, four year olds DO speak English, but with an accent. It's kind of like whale song, really. Lots of whining noises, and sighing, with the occasional high pitched wailing and booming sounds, similar to fists hitting a floor, or perhaps stomping.

I currently have one four year old, and he demonstrates a remarkable ability to respond favorably to certain phrases, usually involving dinosaurs or push-up pops, while at other times, he looks at me from the corner of his eye while I leap about and gesture broadly, trying to speak in Very Simple English. Occasionally, I hit upon the right combination of squealing and booming to get a response.

If your four year old is the Alpha Whale, he will spread his English knowledge on to the younger kids, which means you can look forward to whining and glares out of the corner of eyes at an even earlier age. Never fear - once you hit upon the English words that are understood and responded to, you can slip them into other phrases and lure the beligerent little whales into listening, if not actually responding.

Good luck.

GraceD says:

Michael Jordan or Denzel Washington?
Colin Firth or Colin Farrell?
Letterman or Leno?

What is this "or" business, Grace? I'm thinking "and." Let's see, we have 1,2,3,4,5,6 of 'em... we're good Monday through Saturday, with Sunday off to recover. Except, actually, with Letterman and Leno, I pretty much have to be the funny person in the relationship, so they might be off the list. I might have an extra helping of Denzel. Or a Colin sandwich. Perhaps a funny man or two at times when I am predicibly cranky would be just fine. Yes. The whole buffet for me, thanks.

TW wants to know:

Will my children ever stop squabbling? If so, will I still be alive to see it?

First of all, let me just say: Your children wouldn't squabble if you were a better mother. Hee! Hell, if you were a better mother, the children would be so busy walking in front of you throwing flower petals and singing songs about how wonderful you are that they wouldn't have time to squabble.

But then again, we're talking about actual kids here, not Stepford children. I'm going to say yes, they will eventually stop squabbling (at least about the stuff they are fighting over today.) You will also live to see the day, but you might be bald from tearing your hair out or deaf. But your vision will be fine.