Remember me? The Mistress of Outrage in the face of would-be panty viewers? Get this:

While walking up to the kindergarten classroom, with a zillion other parents hanging about, my son pinched my butt. When I looked down at him, he had two hands over his mouth (looking for all the world like the speak no evil monkey, by the way) and was giggling.

Trying for an imperious, but for his ears only tone, I said "We do not pinch. Ever."

He replied, at the top of his lungs. "Sorry, Mommy."

Two steps later...

He DID IT AGAIN. Now, I'm amongst my peers, most of whom watch with unbridled glee while I behave like a loony sheep-herding dog trying to get the kids and the dog to move in the general direction I need them to go. Today, without the dog, I figured I would be less conspicuous. With Butt-Pinching Boy testing limits, it was apparent that my issues are comedy gold.

Squelching my urge to Aaaaaaaaaargh! at him, I dropped to my knees and got all up in his face and hissed "No pinching. Evaaaaaaaaaah."

He winked. Right at me. Just big as you please. All around me, parents began to titter behind hands.

"I mean it!" I was getting a little louder now. "Pinching hurts bodies and feelings. DO NOT PINCH." Satisfied that I had crushed that urge into the pavement, I stood up.

HE DID IT AGAIN. A BIG PINCH ON MY BIG BUTT. Oh, hell no.

First of all, I yelped, because it was unexpected and it hurt. And then I looked down at my son, standing there with two palms raised and an innocent look on his face and said "Why? Why did you just pinch me?"

He shrugged and shouted "I just couldn't help myself! IT HAD TO BE DONE!"

With that, the group around us started to howl with laughter, and I fought to remain stern and disapproving. We marched double-time back to the car, with the baby in the stroller yelling "Bye! Bye!" as we passed through the throngs of parents. My son beamed at all the parents. He would have been throwing roses if he had any.

As I put them back in their carseats, my son said "Sorry, Mommy."

"Sorry for what?"

"Sorry I pinched you."

"Thank you for apologizing. It's not funny, and I don't want you to do it again."

Just then, the baby farted, and all four of us laughed until our sides ached. Oh, parenting gods, was this a sign?