Last One Standing
It's been one of those weeks. My oldest is constantly starving. I figure she's either growing like crazy or has a tapeworm. Hey! Maybe I can convince her that she has a tapeworm, and that equals a pet, and then she'll stop bugging me for three parakeets. (Not one, or two, but three.)
The boy-boy just. won't. shut. up. And get this: The little monkey was doing his infamous way past naptime venomous monologue in the car on Friday, a long rant about how he hates mommy and how this day is the worst day ever and blah blah blah. I know better than to engage him, and eventually he subsides into muttering like a crazy person with occasional outbursts, and then drops into a noisy, drooling sleep. Slightly before the muttering stage, I violated the rules of engagement by suggesting that he buckle his carseat belt. He jerked upright, shot me this baleful look and declared very matter of fact -"I find that you lack imagination." And then he went back to his regular rant about being totally neglected and deprived of all the joys in life.
He finds that I lack imagination? Me? Really? Bwahahahaha.
The baby, who is actually a toddler, will turn 2 before Christmas. She must be growing and or tapeworming, because she is also ravenous, and her sleeping schedule is still whacked. So I've been up every night from around 1 am to 4 am. I'm really running on fumes. I am annoying myself whenever I open my mouth.
Then! We have been overrun by ants. Again. I told my mom that we've decided they are pets too, and by golly, we're just going to share our ecosystem. Because I'm too loopy to deal.
The baby just went down for her 2 hour sleep stint, so I'm going to dive into bed and coax my brain towards counting sheep (or dipping them in pudding) and away from thoughts of 2 am sippy cups full of hot buttered rum.
I'm SO making a tshirt that says "Hi! I'm lacking in imagination!" which will go nicely with my son's "I'm a pain in my own butt!"
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Comments
Well it's nice to know the "no imagination" gene stopped at you because that little monkey is full of it!!
Posted by: MrsG | December 4, 2004 11:34 PM
This is all to prepare us for rewarding post-kids-growing-up careers as long distance truck drivers. The 24-hour schedule, the sporadic meals of food whose source we cannot confirm, the talking to oursrlves...it's remarkably great training.
Every time we do a long distance drive and we see truckers at the highway rest stops, I nod and smile at them, because we're all birds of a feather.
Peace out.
Posted by: Carmi | December 5, 2004 10:48 AM
Sleep! What's the baby's current mixed up sleep schedule? I've finally got my little guy (who'll turn 2 in January) down to one nap just after lunch. It's been a long struggle but it's finally settling into his bones. Do these kiddos realize that they spend ALL this time fighting sleep and when they become adults they'll just crave, crave, crave it?
Posted by: Grace | December 5, 2004 11:25 AM
I think we may be living in the same dream. My young children act just like the aliens you describe. I wonder where they came from?
Posted by: cooper | December 5, 2004 6:34 PM
Me! Me!
I want one of each, XL please!
Posted by: Blex | December 5, 2004 9:15 PM
Very funny! Especially for one who lacks imagination!!!
Posted by: Jill | December 6, 2004 4:37 AM
Okay, that is the best! He really said that? Too hysterical :) What a vocab. he has!
Posted by: Lindsey | December 6, 2004 6:17 AM
Okay - that's too much. Maybe that's why I fear having children.
I would be such a target for the critics from the primary school set.
'You have the fashion sense of a prison matron.'
'Have you always had problems pronouncing big words?'
I think you're raising a mini David Sedaris.
Posted by: Jacqueline Myers | December 6, 2004 9:09 AM
I feel bad for you. I would be pulling my hair out by now! My mom used to threaten to take me upside down or Velcro me to the wall. lol Hey, they may work on your kid because they worked on me.
Posted by: Mindie | December 6, 2004 10:46 PM
OMG That was funny. See we get the I'm mad! I'm Fwustwated! I hate my fwiends! And that's about it. I don't know how I'd deal with that kind of fit in the car. I will soon enough.
Posted by: Tim Pintsch | December 7, 2004 6:45 AM
Just the idea of a tape worm gives me a shudder. I do not lack any magination in that department I get visions of evil wormy creature lose in my innards doing bad things[tm]
Posted by: Rich | December 7, 2004 11:58 PM
Thanks for always making me laugh. I am sorry it is at the expense of your sanity, but mine is a little off kilter and it helps to laugh! Sorry the babies are growing up so fast. I find that you have a lot of imagination.
Posted by: Jazzy | December 8, 2004 2:34 PM