What REALLY Happened
Lately, I'm spending a lot of time being called out on the carpet by my know-it-all children, who have major doubts about my knowledge of world events and natural disasters.
Just this evening, while cuddled up on the couch watching Animal Planet's The Most Extreme, I was put on the hot seat after we caught a teaser promo for the upcoming special on Pompeii. My oldest has crossed that threshold where she has become aware of Bad Things That Sometimes Happen. Naturally, seeing cities buried in a cataclysmic cloud of fiery volcanic ash raises some questions for this girl of mine.
Could it happen here? Did the people get away? When the people found the city under the ash, did they save everybody?
Despite my best attempts at downplaying the whole volcano thing, she still sat next to me with her brows furrowed and her arms crossed on her chest, wanting a better answer. By better, I mean she wants a happy ending.
This kid doesn't appreciate drama. Nope, not at all. She has been known to screech "Why did we rent this stupid movie?" when for five seconds the movie people would have you believe that Lassie didn't survive the plunge over the waterfall. No happy ending in the world is going to win her over, either. She's a softie, and when something frightens her or makes her mad, she doesn't want any bullsheet excuses about 'it was just a dream.'
As the show started up again, they were doing something about leopards, and had a nice little segment on Aztec warriors feeding the hearts of human sacrifices to leopards. Aaaargh! 6 o'clock in the evening, and I've got SO much 'splaining to do.
Bedtime brought the opportunity for me to debunk the rumor that zombies are in the neighborhood. I encouraged her to surround her bed with an army of My Little Ponies to serve as bodyguards. My Little Ponies can blind zombies with their rainbow brightness, did you know? (Her invention, not mine. I was all, um, the ponies can kick them. I'm a creative genius!)
I *knew* this was coming, and I've guarded against it as best as I could. We haven't discussed the war in Iraq with our children, yet when my daughter came home from school asking for toilet paper to send to soldiers, and wondering what will happen if we lose the war, I wanted to make her watch Teletubbies until she forgot all about it, and I wanted to suddenly have the wisdom to explain it. I don't even know how to start.
So we make it up as we go along. We reassure them that while bad things happen, it is rare, and promise that we will protect them. And then we cross our fingers and buckle our seatbelts and hold on tight, since we are determined to enjoy the ride.
Comments
My kids are wise beyond their years, too, and current events are difficult to escape these days (since they run the news all over the place, such as the waiting room at the doctor's office and the local coffee shop we sometimes visit)
They also have incredible hearing, so if they even hear "shot" or "killed" or "victim" they are on it like white on rice. So I can't play NPR when I'm dropping off or picking up at school.
I wish there was an easy answer, but I don't have one. Seems they will process it as best they can, but I wish there weren't so many horrible things out there. Our word lately is "tsunami" and they ask where we go if one comes here. 200 miles from the nearest seashore.
Posted by: ben | January 26, 2005 12:48 PM
Love it. We are having the same thing at our house. However, my daughter is eight so many times we tell her to go look stuff up on the computer. (Yahooligans gives great, concise accurate, kid-friendly answers) As far as easing her mind, that is a little tougher, no?
Posted by: buffi | January 26, 2005 12:50 PM
poor L. Let her know that her auntie steph is the same way and I turned out okay. right? :-) I still haven't seen all of Finding Nemo. Nor do I have any desire to.
Posted by: steph | January 26, 2005 4:12 PM
I'm still wondering how I will address such instances.
My dad survived a war, my mom grew up in extreme poverty, they did not beat around the bush when my brother and I would ask a "tough" question, we would get the stark true as an answer.
Task of Titans and Aztec warriors.
Posted by: Blex | January 26, 2005 8:46 PM
That has to be tough...regardless of where you stand on the particular issue of war in Iraq, it has to be difficult to explain. Especially in this instance where its so non-traditional. Something I've never thought about...explaining war to kids...
Posted by: Chris | January 27, 2005 5:16 AM
We are all struggling with this.
Thank you for an honest and loving post, and all psychic protective little pony powers are aimed your way!
Posted by: Elizabeth | January 27, 2005 10:05 AM
I enjoyed this post. We haven't gotten to the "why" phase yet, and won't for quite awhile, but I'm sure it will be a tough one. I'll have to remember that tip about Little Pony's magic powers! ;)
Posted by: Mel | January 27, 2005 1:20 PM
Funny - we've been going through the same thing in our house....and that Pompeii commercial freaks them out. We had a big discussion about volcanoes and how they blow up and how fire comes out of them and how people are paid to watch them even viewed Mt St Helens on webcam. I assured them that a volcano wasn't going to explode anywhere near us................yet.
Sometimes, a little fear makes them behave :-)
Posted by: Lee | January 27, 2005 3:00 PM
Kids are so curious. One year they're haunted by impending doom and by the time they're thirteen they're afficianados of slasher films.
BTW, Jenny, could I borrow some of those ponies? They could be useful in my job search.
Posted by: GraceD | January 27, 2005 6:16 PM
My uncle is in Bagdhad. He has been National Guard since finishing active duty army about 21 Years ago. Can you beleive it? 21 Years. Back door draft. Everything is hard to explain. I have a hard time looking at my family web site anymore because i totally don't support this war, yet i do support my Uncle.. I a former military my self, so i get it these guys are doing THEIR JOB. Doesn't make it suck any less. I am glad my son is to young to talk let alone ask the hard questions.
You are a good mommy, Keep up. We are fighting the good fight here.
Posted by: cassandra | January 27, 2005 11:28 PM
Oh man, do I hear ya. My six year old was studying Martin Luther King in school. One day she came home and said "And you know what Mom? Someone shot him and he died!" She was so upset by it. I just wasn't ready for her to start reality yet. I knew it was coming, but woah, did it have to?
Posted by: Cibby | January 28, 2005 7:01 AM
Well, I'm not quite there yet with my own youngins but I hope I will be honest and direct with them. We are in the monster phase and I will have to remember the My Little Pony technique and apply it to care bears. Good tip!
Posted by: mrsrum | January 28, 2005 11:18 AM