Like, Profound
Picture if you will, a woman. She is pouting as she types out her third blog entry of the day. She is pouting because...the first two entries went the way of the Dodo, clubbed into extinction.
The first clubbing came courtesy of the dog, whose zealous attempts to gain lap real estate resulted in swatting the power cord out of the wall.
The second came from perfectly aimed ball, which ricocheted off the keyboard and deleted a masterpiece of self-pitying nonsense.
So, like, no big loss. I'm not pouting anymore, because I've just glanced in the mirror and noticed it makes me look vaguely constipated. Unlike the lovely Heather B. Armstrong, it's not a look I can pull off.
I have come to the conclusion that my youngest's theme song (ala Ally McBeal - I know it was lame there towards the end, shut up) is Eddie Murphy's Party All The Time. At two o'clock in the morning, she did a very convincing 'running man' beside my bed while chanting "Wake Up. Wake Up. Wake Up." I know I should be proud.
My son NEVER. STOPS. TALKING. Remind me of this when he is a non-communicative, too cool teenager. Right now, I would actually appreciate NOT knowing every thought that crosses his wee little pea brain. Did dinosaurs really eat pie? Do I really care? Does HE? I think he just talks out of reflex.
My oldest is sick, so I kept her home from school. Queen Princess Pink Poodle Patootience lay on the couch all day, shushing everyone. The good news? We had to cancel a playdate for tomorrow afternoon - a playdate that we were sort of bamboozled into. Don't ask, because I'll get all huffy. The bad news? She's well enough to piss everyone off, but sick enough that she'll be home again tomorrow. Woo.
My two year old just removed her diaper, slapped her naked butt repeatedly and crowed "No pants on! No pants! No! Pants! On!"
When I managed to catch her and cram her legs through a pull-up, she sang "Iiiiiii've Gooooooot Neeeeeeew Pants on!" Glory be.
OMG. The dog just now ran by with the self-inflating whoopie cushion we bought on the dollar aisle at Target, emitting little poots as she chewed on it. Hah!
And that concludes the drivel for today.
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Comments
My husband and I decided my four year old needs more sleep. So this morning he wakes up and chats my freakin' ear off all day! Never shuts up! So more sleep means more talking. We're sick over here also. Little bit has her first sore throat. Lots of fun. Man I wish I could write like you.
Posted by: jenni | February 8, 2005 6:38 PM
We've got one of those!
Um, the self-inflating whoopie cushion. Our is in the bathroom right now. Go figure.
(hey, I've got new pants on... heh)
Posted by: ben | February 8, 2005 6:45 PM
Maybe you need diaper suspenders. Or something alone the lines of a castity belt which requires a key for removal lol
Posted by: Bec | February 8, 2005 9:23 PM
I read here earlier, and had a bit of a chuckle at the fact that it took you three tries to post. And then what do I go and do? I get this whole huge post done, and accidently close the WRONG firefox window. How sad? lol. I guess that's punishment for laughing at your misfortune.
Posted by: Norti | February 9, 2005 12:53 AM
Man, I wish I had a self-inflating whoopie cushion. Some folks have all the luck.
Posted by: udge | February 9, 2005 1:41 AM
I've got new pants on!!
That's going to be my new motto.
Hang in there Jenny. Call me if you want to gripe/whine/bitch/complain. I'll listen.
Posted by: Carmen | February 9, 2005 4:42 AM
Oh, all these things that I have to look forward to. Don't worry...I'm taking notes.
Posted by: Chris | February 9, 2005 5:05 AM
Iiiii've Gooooootttt Neeeeewwww Shooooooos Onnnn!
Posted by: Lindsey | February 9, 2005 5:55 AM
Sounds like the "circus" is in full effect this morning!
Posted by: Grace | February 9, 2005 7:11 AM
I never laughed so hard! I know that most of what you wrote sure wasn't funny WHILE it was happening, but you have to admit a little giggle after you think about your day! I have had so many just like that, minus the dog, add 3 cats!
TY for the laugh!
Posted by: Trish | February 9, 2005 7:53 AM
**waits patiently for Self-Inflating-Whoopie-Cushion Vs Roomba Post**
THAT should be AWESOME.
Posted by: Lee | February 9, 2005 11:55 AM
Awesome moment in time. I simply cannot wait until my kids are older... seriously... BATED BREATH, people!
Posted by: Elaine | February 9, 2005 1:32 PM
THOSE SELF-INFLATING WHOOPIE CUSHIONS FROM TARGET? I bought six of those babies and mailed them to my brother's kids.
Revenge is sweet.
Posted by: Mamacita | February 9, 2005 3:43 PM
I just have to laugh. I thought only my life was like that! I hate those forced (I mean arranged)playdates.
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