Pants On Fire
I'm such a freakin' liar. I just told my kids that if they weren't careful, and tried too hard to blow up a stubborn balloon, that they could shoot their eyeballs across the room. Right out of their heads and across the room.
When they laughed, I had to go on and say that it had happened to my husband when he was a boy, and look, now he wears glasses.
My son said, "I wish I could've seen that."
I said, "Me, too. But I've heard the stories and it's all true. Just look at your father." The hubs was playing deaf. He still hasn't acknowledged my fib, but let's face it, some of the stories from his childhood do have a bit of the Bunyan to them, so my wee fabrications about Daddy quickly scooping up his eyes from under the table and rinsing them off and popping them back in should be plausible.
Both kids looked him up and down with serious expressions. I sent the kids outside to play and I just heard my daughter caution my son: "Careful, dude. You don't want to blow your eyeballs out of your head. The deck is dirty."
This totally ranks up there with "Don't pick your nose or you'll pull the roots to your eyeballs out."
I'm going straight to hell.
Comments
That is too freaking awesome! I'll have to remember that for my kids...
Posted by: Elaine | March 13, 2005 1:25 PM
I must've blocked out when that happened to me. But I wear glasses, so that must be how it happened.... ;)
Posted by: Mir | March 13, 2005 1:34 PM
Oh, good! We can be roomies again. I'm pretty sure that it being hell and all that they have bunk beds...I call dibs on the top bunk! I amaze myself on an almost daily basis with not only the quanity of lies I come up with but also the so-good-it-must-be-true delivery style that each one is presented. What's more, K is quite the little protege herself. Just the other day, we visited a Chinese restaurant that we frequent and when J started to throw a fit as the hostess was seating us somewhere other than the booth next to the aquarium (our usual place), without batting an eyelash I explained that they had to keep that booth free as it was Thursday and they needed to clean the tank. K added that we didn't want to try and enjoy our meal with fish poop freely floating all around us. Tantrum free and happily enjoying our Buddhist Delight, thank you very much.
Posted by: lu | March 13, 2005 2:32 PM
LOL! TOOOO funny!I told my kids I had to clean their ears to get the bugs out and of course when it's all yellow and gross, I squoosed them. Nickelodeon now does a commercial on ear wax...and guess how they cleverly disguise the bacteria??? Flying grossness! My 2 year old freaked and went upstairs to get the q-tips to clean his ears and "get da bugs out mommy!".
Posted by: J&J's Mom | March 13, 2005 2:52 PM
That's great! I believed for the longest time that my mother could see me anywhere, anytime. It was the best lie a parent could ever tell.
Posted by: Tammy | March 13, 2005 6:49 PM
No you're not and thanks for the new story! ;) lol
Posted by: Chana | March 13, 2005 7:13 PM
I think that can happen if you blow your nose too hard as well ;)
Posted by: sara | March 13, 2005 8:42 PM
My husband actually has a glass eye (he lost the sight in it when he was 2 yrs old; got the prosthetic when in high school). Our kids know that one eye is "pretend", and have asked daddy to take it out and show it to them. Thankfully, he has not, as yet, honored this request. It would probably get lost with all the rest of the marbles.
Posted by: Mellie Helen | March 13, 2005 9:19 PM
I think my kids have actually picked a hole in their noses already. I believe the whole picking-your-nose-to-your-eyeballs story to be totally true. :)
Posted by: InsanePreschoolMom | March 14, 2005 5:16 AM
Hey, if you gotta lie, make it a good one. And you did!! Excellent. I'm filing that away for future use.
Posted by: Chris | March 14, 2005 6:42 AM
I about wet myself laughing at these....
Eyeball roots! I love it! I'm going to use that one next time I catch my kids at it.
Posted by: Karry | March 14, 2005 11:12 AM
This'll keep me laughing for a while!
Keep them away from Google and any other Internet-based research resource for as long as you possibly can!
Posted by: Carmi | March 15, 2005 7:41 AM