Muse
Throughout the ages, there have been women (and men, let's be fair) who inspire artists to create, poets to wax poetic, musicians to pen musical tributes. Aside from your great beauties and tragic figures, I bet most muses seemed rather ordinary to outsiders.
I bring this up, because once again, I inspired.
Yes, yes. It should come as no surprise. Yet, as I stumbled to the bathroom this morning, inspiring the masses was the furthest thing on my mind.
At some point in the wee hours, all three kids ended up in our bed, so I heaved my youngest into the middle of the bed, where she wedged herself in between her siblings and resumed her noisy thumb-sucking with a stuffy nose. Suck suck gasp suck suck gasp snnnnorrrrrt suck suck gasp. The hubs was buried under the comforter, in what looked like a deep sleep.
As usual, I left the bathroom door open and the light off while I plopped sleepily down and started to piss like a racehorse tinkle demurely. My nose started to run, right that second, so I reallocated the toilet paper squares that I was holding at the ready (Does everyone do that? When do you tear off the TP? At the very end? Right when you sit down?) for nose clearing detail and proceeded to blow my nose, right there in the middle of my very lady-like tinkling.
Of course, since my nose was extremely clogged, I had to blow really hard, which caused a wee bit of oh, alright, I made a little squeaky fart. While I was blowing my nose and peeing. I'm such a refined soul.
This little demonstration of multi-tasking was followed by a moment of silence, and then all the "sleeping" members of the family began to express their admiration for my performance, through laughter and shouted potty words.
Then, a chant was crafted: Pee, Poo, Fart and Blow, peepoofartand blooooow. Repeat 9000 times, and giggle.
It's great to be a muse.
Comments
I pee with the door open. Only because if my daughter thinks I've left the room she screams! Oh, the joys of parenting. That was an awesome story. We had a discussion about poop this morning.
Posted by: jenni | April 9, 2005 12:46 PM
Just another one of the services that we, as mothers, offer.
Hope you all kick the bug soon.
Posted by: Dawn | April 9, 2005 1:27 PM
Isn’t it amazing, when you have children, how everything comes down to bodily functions? Pee, poop, flatulents, and burps. And if not that, then it is penis, vagina, or boobs! Sometimes I will just say all of those things at the beginning of a conversation just to get them out of the way. If I don’t, inevitably, one of them comes up and another member of my family will say, “Burp, fart, penis vagina!” Oh well, at least we talk!
Posted by: The Staff Sergeant's Wife | April 9, 2005 6:20 PM
LMAO! Good stuff, my friend.
Just the other day I took J to a crowded public restroom, which if you haven't noted yet makes for great blogging inspiration, and after she finished her business she asked if I needed to go too. Well, hell, since we are already in here, why not? Love me some public toilets. So, as I lowered my pants she squeals, "Mom, I can see your VAGINA!"
Posted by: lu | April 9, 2005 7:39 PM
At least they appreciate you. Poor sick family! Girl Terror is enthralled with farts and burps now. If she hears one, she bellows "SOMEBODY FARTED!!! tee hee hee!!! WHO FARTED? IT WAS ME!!!"
I rip off the paper right away. It's not like it will be a surprise...I know what I'm there to do, done it before, and am familiar with the drill.
Posted by: Tammy | April 9, 2005 7:53 PM
That is hilarious. Sometimes it takes some kids to see the real humor in something. And sometimes potty jokes really are funny! But I wouldn't dare laugh along at something like that in front of the kids. Oh no. Isn't it a shame that we can't.
Posted by: Raehan | April 9, 2005 9:08 PM
ROTFLOL!!!! Too funny. :)
Posted by: Lisa Barker | April 10, 2005 2:15 PM
You are truly a muse! You make me laugh everyday!
Posted by: squareslant | April 10, 2005 7:24 PM
Paper: the minimum amount, right off the bat. If you need more, you know where to find it; if not, you're already armed. DS (age 5) has just discovered the joys of using the words "poo poo" and "pee pee" in non-bathroom related discussions. Oh, what fun!
Posted by: Mellie Helen | April 10, 2005 10:37 PM
HA! Our house sounds like a gymnastics competition of some kind "That was impressive! I'd give that a 9. Excellent form, good bass, with just a hint of squeak..."
Posted by: Michele | April 11, 2005 5:14 AM
Jenny Made A Poo-Poo!
Posted by: Lindsey | April 11, 2005 5:45 AM
LOL grl thas a gag!! u r truly a muse!!! good 4 u!! LOL
Posted by: Claudia | April 13, 2005 3:14 PM
Tooooo funny! You remind me of my family when my kids were young. Thanks for reading my blog.
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