Detritus
I've been a cleaning fool today. And an organizing fool, with the help of my two year old. She enjoys rearranging things, moving smoothly as she pilfers from the newly reunited set of whatever and hides key pieces behind furniture. She keeps a running monologue going while she redistributes, all sotto voce, with an occasional "aargh!" or "muwahahaha!" or my favorite "you'll never find it now!" in her best Swiper the Fox impression.
You may now address me as Imelda, (or Ms. Marcos if you're nasty) for I have unearthed a zillion pairs of shoes, in various states. I have sizes from infant up to adult, all colors, shapes, occasions. Most of them are looking pretty trashed, and I don't know why I have never bothered to weed out the collection. Oh wait. I have.
Do they mate, tangled together on the closet floor? Is there a reason that every corner of my house is bursting with abused shoes? It is ridiculous. I think I feel a photo essay coming on.
Speaking of photo essays, way back in January, I swore I was going to cook an entire dinner party in my daughter's Easy Bake oven. I am still meaning to do that. I just have to find the right recipes, because one little quiche takes over an hour. I'm going to be slaving over the Easy Bake for hours, so the food better be good at room temperature.
I talked to my sister, who is helping my parents on the camping expedition, and she told me how my son was wishing on stars that the camping trip would last twelve days. She thought that was so sweet. I have to admit, that's a pretty good wish. More vacation is always a good idea.
The other day, we got up at dawn's early light to do a practice walk to school. Waiting for my friend and her children on our lawn (her oldest is starting school this year as well, and since they live in our neighborhood, we'll probably walk together) I was amused to see her hauling ass down the sidewalk, pushing her youngest in the stroller, her daughter trailing along behind. She was obviously at the end of her rope. It was like one of those cartoons where steam is curling out an angry person's ears.
I know that feeling well.
Anyway, assorted delays involving shoes had slowed them down, and she was frustrated and worried that getting to school on time was going to be difficult. "Well, duh" was my helpful commentary. Then I proceeded to lecture her on how *I* do it (which was totally exaggerating, because yeah, right, sure I pack everything the night before and have the breakfast table set and outfits laid out and I leave the TV off and and and...) I maybe led her to believe that I actually do all these things, all the time. I mean, I totally plan to do them, and everyone knows that it's the right way, so I feel okay about sharing "my" knowledge with her. (Hi! I know you read my blog, so now you know how full of crap I am!)
Not that she'll be surprised to know I put a spitshine on my actual morning routine to sound like I have my act together when I typically spend a good 10 minutes frantically crawling around on my hands and knees looking for a single matching pair of shoes, uttering foul oaths.
Shoes! The bane of my existence! They taunt me with their plentifulness and unmatchedness. They force me to my knees in agony, forehead pressed to the Pergo as I strain my eyes to see under the couch, again and again. I rage around the house clutching one sandal and one tennis shoe, hoping to find a match, but no! I find only another sandal, in a different size, and a mary jane. Why? WHY?!
Imelda had the right idea with all those climate controlled vaults full of spacious, well organized shoe racks. I'm just sayin'
So anyway, on the walk to school, my children were plucking dandelions off lawns as we passed and noisily blowing the seeds right back onto the lawns (you're welcome, neighbors!) after making a whispered wish. Aw, how cute, I thought. But then I heard what they were wishing.
"I wish my sister didn't have any legs."
"I wish my brother's brain would go away."
"I wish my sister wasn't on this planet."
"I wish my brother would get eaten by a rhino."
Oh, okay. Great. Not so cute after all. I nipped that in the bud. I'm a wish dictator. You wish on my terms, or do it silently.
I wonder if they wished for more shoes?
Comments
Actually, that was pretty cute. But, then again, they aren't my kids.
Posted by: buffi | August 16, 2005 10:59 PM
Heehee. So, Ms Marcos (as we both know that I am indeed *nasty*) I guess what you are saying, in a round about way, is that you do not need me to send you any of the shoes that my J has outgrown. ; )
Posted by: lu | August 16, 2005 11:09 PM
I'm laughing at the dandelion wishes. Here's what I always tell people to do, but don't really do it myself: keep a spare pair of shoes in the trunk of the car for emergency shodding. shoeing? hmmmmm.
Posted by: Jen | August 17, 2005 1:23 AM
We have the same issue with shoes. Eeek.
If my kids have PE the next day, they sleep in their PE sweats. Takes one of the stressers off the next day.
I'm just glad school is going back SOON!
Posted by: Carmen | August 17, 2005 6:20 AM
We have the same shoe issues here. They multiply in the dark recess of the closet I tell you.
You family is so flipping adorable in their renaissance clothing, I want to bite each and every one of you.
Posted by: chris | August 17, 2005 6:45 AM
I freakin' hate shoes. I've decided that henceforth, I'll buy only one style, one color, for everyone. Like Maoist China. My son already is willing to go with two slightly different sandals (we get out of the van at Target: "Ben. You have on two different left shoes." "Well, this one's on the right foot!"), so we'll just run with it. Can only find one 8 and one 11? Scruch up your toes on one foot and wear an extra sock on the other. Problem solved.
Posted by: Deana | August 17, 2005 6:55 AM
Personally I don't think I could be friends with anyone who kept their shoes in little boxes or shelves or any other very anal organized fashion.
So don't sweat the shoe mess!
Posted by: Melanie Lynne Hauser | August 17, 2005 7:36 AM
Ya got me! I was just procrastinating about various household chores, including sorting out all the kids' shoes and seeing if we need any new ones for school. There are hand-me-down sneakers and dress shoes and school shoes and "outside play" shoes and sandals and aquasocks all over, and they overflow any storage bin or shelf I try to designate. Ugh! Time to figure out once and for all what fits and what's too small, and what's too beat up, and do a purge.
I'm pondering the routines for school, as this is our first year. (Triplets starting kindergarten this fall.) I hope to designate a place for shoes, backpacks, jackets, crafts etc. to streamline the process. I suppose no matter what I initiate, it will take some trial and error in September (all fall?) to get it working smoothly!
We do the exact same picking and redistributing of dandelions on every walk. Your kids' wishes are hilarious!
Thanks for sharing, I'm still chuckling!
Posted by: SheilaC | August 17, 2005 9:12 AM
My kids were big on that sort of declaration which absolutely made me insane. Sometime in the past couple of years my parents' hysteria over sibling rivalry and fighting made sense.
Anyhow a few weeks ago I hit upon the solution. Following a nice discussion with them on the couch regarding physical/mental/and just general snarky behavior toward siblings...with the words hard physical labor thrown in frequently and asked for both explanations and such from the abovementioned children...these issues seem to have seriously been almost made extinct in my house. Twice said labor has been assigned (bathroom cleaning, living room cleaning). Sometimes I hear a child say to another hard physical labor but hmmm...seems to work.
Posted by: TW | August 17, 2005 9:47 AM
Faith hides one of my shoes on an almost daily basis. But my bad habit is just kicking out of them - wherever. Anyone who comes in my house usually says "wow - shoes."
I'm 35 and I still wish some of those sisterly wishes.
Posted by: Holli | August 17, 2005 12:46 PM
I am dying over the dandelion wishes. Those are great. Hee!
Posted by: HG | August 17, 2005 12:50 PM
dude, I can't even manage my own shoes much less those of a small girly version of my husband.
I am afraid of my own future. Can't the invent shoes that find eachother in the night?
Loved the wishes your kids made. too funny.
Posted by: Meghan | August 17, 2005 1:30 PM
What does it say that even before I finished reading "Now you'll never find them!" I knew, without a doubt, that Swiper the Fox has been in your house, too? I've actually banned Swiper imitations. No hiding toys from brother, and claiming Swiper did it. No "Now you'll never find it" is to be uttered in regards to brother's sippy cup. I know, I'm mean.
Posted by: Tammy/averagemom | August 17, 2005 11:24 PM
Nice dandelion wishes...oh the love of a sibling cannot be compared to any other love, and here I am having one to keep my baby company when the older ones leave home....hmmmm...
Posted by: aussieshiraz | August 17, 2005 11:49 PM
I love it. I never really thought about unmated shoes mating....but I guess you are right.
I was just passing by and your blog is great, I'll be back.
Posted by: BETH | August 18, 2005 7:57 AM
Heh, I have like 3 pair of shoes. Total. Jealous?
Posted by: Strizz | August 18, 2005 8:40 AM
I have a nasty out-of-control shoe thing going on too...
Posted by: cmhl | August 18, 2005 9:01 AM
We live near the beach! The only time anyone wears shoes around here is for church -- and last week we wore flip flops! I'm so glad we moved here! HOpe the kids can wear flip flops to school!
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