Rule Of Thumb
My husband brought home a take-and-bake pizza tonight. When I plopped it into the oven, I figured I'd leave our pizza stone in the oven. I forgot that I had oiled it, planning to season it at a future date.
Within five minutes, the oven was spewing stink and smoke, and our smoke detector was bleating down the hall.
Crap.
The kids sprang into action, running around the kitchen laller laller lallering and waving their hands in mock panic. Chaos reigned for a moment until I got the doors and windows all open and handed my husband a spiral-bound notebook to fan the smoke away from the meh-eh-eh-ehing box on the ceiling.
After we silenced the detector, we glanced at the flailing kids, and one of those unspoken parent decisions was passed between us.
"Kids, do you hear the smoke detector? If you ever hear it, and Mommy isn't cooking a pizza..."
We both sort-of choked back laughs and started over.
"Okay, if you ever hear that alarm, and Mommy isn't cooking..."
Bwahahaha.
"Okay, if you hear that, don't laller laller laller and flap your arms, because that could be dangerous."
"Or," says my six year old, "or, that could help get the stinky pizza smoke away from the smoke detector."
Heaven help us if we are ever faced with a non-pizza fire.
*edited to add link to proof that this has happened before.
Then, my husband took the kids into the bathroom to wash hands and faces. My son had to use the toilet, and apparently was allowing his butt to sag.
"Dude, don't let your butt hang down in the toilet!"
"Why? Oh! My butt is all wet!"
"That's why, son."
Common sense is rare in this family.
Comments
I haven't laughed that hard all week. Thank you.
Oh, and sorry about the pizza.
Posted by: Susan | September 9, 2005 7:31 PM
We were on vacation at a condo, and our friend used the oven to bake bacon (?) whatever...it was good...that night we put pizzas in too, and lo and behold, there was LOTS of blue smoke. And meh eh eh-ing smoke detectors, and calls from the front desk. So every time we checked the pizza, one of us would stand by the smoke detector, and fan with a beach towel, one of us stood by the door and fanned with IT, then one of us opened the oven door real fast to see if the pizza was done. We were all howling with tears running down our faces by the time we were done...one of the funniest things to happen on the whole trip. And damn it was good pizza!
Posted by: baseballmom | September 9, 2005 11:24 PM
Man, what is it with boys and butt-sag? My 4 year old is always completely IN the toilet: only head, arms, and legs visible.
Posted by: Kari | September 10, 2005 8:43 AM
Every day we fight not to laugh at the "logic" that comes out of our 5yr. boy. Don't worry, the EXACT same thing would have happened in our house.
Posted by: amy | September 10, 2005 10:15 AM
Hey, the butt sag doesn't end when they reach puberty. My old co-workers used to joke about tea-bowling (tea-bagging, except you dip them in the bowl).
And we used to have a spiral notebook at the ready each time Kyle made pizza. Who the hell installs a smoke detector in the kitchen anyway? Have they never set their oven to "broil"?
Posted by: Julie | September 10, 2005 8:11 PM
Laller laller lallering... that is hysterical.
Maybe a little bit of a drill would be in order, you know, just in case.
Although I can totally relate, because dinner (=frozen pizzas) at my house set off the smoke alarm all the time.
Posted by: everydaysupergoddess | September 11, 2005 5:54 AM
Ha! My husband, who is a firefighter, totally lost his sense when he set taco shells on fire in the toaster oven and THREW WATER ON IT WHILE IT WAS STILL PLUGGED IN! Once he walks in the door, all common sense flies right out the window.
Posted by: Candice | September 11, 2005 11:37 AM