Two-Timin'
I stood at the washer, cramming a few items over the maximum into the barrel. My husband kissed me on the cheek as he passed by, preparing to leave for work. Smiling, I turned to wish him a good day.
As our eyes met, I noticed the strain in his face. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again.
"What is it?" I could tell he was hiding something from me.
"I have a confession to make," he started, haltingly. "I...I cheated on you."
My eyebrows shot up and my jaw dropped.
He continued in a rush of words. "Ellen* was having a rough day, and I, well... I caved."
My stomach burned with jealousy and dismay as he continued.
"They went on a Starbucks run. I...I...I had a Pumpkin Spice Latte. The new drive-through Starbucks just opened by my workplace. It just happened. I'm sorry. I wasn't going to tell you, because I didn't want to flaunt it in your face, but I just had to say something."
Can you believe that? I mean, fine, cheat on me, but if your first instinct is to keep it quiet, MAYBE GO WITH THAT. Or, okay. Tell me, but only after handing me a surprise PSL. And then massage my feet. Sheesh.
*not her real name.
lallerlallerlallerlallerlallerlallerlallerlallerlallerlallerlallerlaller
Everybody, please go give your good thoughts to Jenn. Her mom is in the ICU in Houston. On Sunday, she rushed to the hospital, fearing that the end was near. Her mother remains in very serious condition. Then, enter Rita. Jenn made the difficult decision to leave her mother and return home to Dallas. After 11+ hours on the road got her a mere 60 miles from Houston, Jenn was forced to turn around and head back to her parents' home in Houston to ride out the storm.
When I spoke to her yesterday, she was exhausted but still cracking jokes about peeing in Pull-Ups, (or maybe she wasn't joking) and driving with her bra flying like a flag from her antenna (again, a real possibility that she wasn't joking.) Go give her some love!
Comments
A drive through Starbees? What kind of heaven is this? Why don't I have one?
Posted by: Chatty Cricket (momtothelady) | September 23, 2005 9:51 AM
That bastard!!!
Posted by: Lindsey | September 23, 2005 10:04 AM
I can't believe he did that to you! I think there's a box on the divorce form for that, "cheated on with Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte."
Posted by: Katie | September 23, 2005 10:45 AM
That is the exact kind of conversation my hubby and I end up having. Only not about Pumpkin Spiced Lattes.
But right now, I hate Starbucks. My hubby is working on a project from hell with them and they pushed back the due dates. So he may have to go to their plants in York PA over Thanksgiving. Yipee. He's worked more than 60+ work weeks (and this summer 80+ hours a week) for more than a year. My little boy thinks his daddy lives someplace else because of Starbucks and their need for some new manufacturing systems. Grrrr...
Posted by: Lisa B | September 23, 2005 12:28 PM
I'm in Houston, too. But not to worry, we've ridden out many a hurricane in our family, and our land has never flooded. Well, except the back yard, but nobody ever goes back there except to mow the lawn. We're well stocked with supplies, including firearms in case any of the local Rambo Looters try anything funny. Yes, that's right, Rambo Looters, we have LOTS OF GUNS. And LOTS OF AMMO! SO DON'T TRY ANYTHING, BIYATCHES!
Love to Jenn. I sure hope she gets to her parent's home. Tell her to get her Dad's gun! (Don't worry, this is Texas, he has a gun.) Tell her also to save all her empty water bottles and refill them with tap water, then stick them in the freezer.
Posted by: Sleepless Mama | September 23, 2005 2:32 PM
I swear that they put cocaine in those things.
MWAH!
Posted by: Carmen | September 23, 2005 5:07 PM
This is a perfect opportunity to blackmail a PSL outta the hubby.
Just a thought.
An evil thought but a thought none-the-less. :P
Posted by: Big Gay Sam | September 23, 2005 7:37 PM
What an ass! Some things are better left unsaid. Honestly!
Posted by: buffi | September 23, 2005 8:03 PM
Oooh...my stomach was churning for a minute...
That was just mean. ;)
DAMN YOU, STARBUCKS!
Posted by: aka_monty | September 23, 2005 9:22 PM
May everyone have friends like you. Latte or no latte, you're a really good bean.
Speaking of which, I'm boycotting the Starbucks outlets in my 'burg. Not one of them has Wi-Fi. And they look at me funny when I ask.
What century are they from?
Posted by: Carmi | September 24, 2005 4:06 PM
Oh no he didn't! The bastard. Hey, maybe he spilled a little on his shirt and since you were doing laundry thought you might smell it and so was coming clean in order to prevent getting caught! Then I'd really kick is sorry ass. To think, you could have found PSL on his shirt collar. Men.
Posted by: Elaine | September 24, 2005 9:50 PM
They told me that the bra hanging from the antenna was a safety hazard as it was blocking the view of othr motorists for miles. The Pull-Up worked well. And the other motorists enjoyed the flashing! All in all, a completely successful trip for a mental breakdown victim! ;-)
Thanks for the chat! Ohhhh how I needed the laughter, Jenny! You ROCK.
Tom Hanks says hi.
Posted by: Jenn | September 26, 2005 1:43 PM