Messing With My Schtick
I'm feeling rather unfunny right now.
I am usually upbeat, cheerful even, but this last week has seriously been messing with my mojo. That is against the rules for The Month of Jenny.
But really, I've been in a funk. I feel about as funny as one of my kids' knock-knock jokes. Knock, knock. Who's There? Peanut. Peanut, who? Peanut on the diaper head!
See? I keep hoping the school librarian will slip them a joke book. They need some professional material.
Anyway, even riding my (awesome!) bike yesterday didn't manage to lift my spirits. Well, it did for the first part of the ride. Let me explain...
I surprised my husband with this little (awesome!) set of wheels.
He's loving it. As well he should.
Anyway, we headed out for a family bike ride yesterday. My oldest on her bike, my son on his, complete with training wheels, me on my (awesome!) bike pulling the trailer with my youngest inside, and my husband on his bike. A happy little band of travellers!
We enjoyed the late afternoon sunshine, and toodled through the neighborhood and down the creekside path. All was well until we hit the turn-around point, whereupon my son decided that no, he was done. Limp. Finito.
Great.
"Please just ride your bike. I'll ride with you, as slow as you want!"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Just. Get. On. Your. Bike. Please."
"No." He kicked the bike twice for emphasis, and stuck his lip out so far it wrapped around his chin.
While my husband and daughter rode in circles, being obnoxious, I scooted the now sleeping toddler over in the trailer, buckled my son into the second seat, and attempted to figure out how we were going to get the extra bike home.
Much bobbing and weaving later, I managed to wedge the front wheel of his bike into the back of the trailer, leaving the back tire and half a training wheel in contact with the pavement. Okay then.
I requested that the hubs ride behind me, in case the bike I had crammed into my trailer's rear decided to shake itself loose onto the trail. (Um...)
He gave me a blank stare, and shot off down the path after my daughter, annoyingly in viewing range, but not hearing range, apparently.
With a *harrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh* that would have made an olympic weightlifter proud, I strained to get 70 pounds of kids plus 20 odd pounds of trailer and extra, cling-on bike moving forward. After a quarter mile or so, I was mumbling nonsense oaths under my breath.
"Fuzzle shiza mugga hunner gah!"
Just like that.
Anyway, we finally made it home, and as I struggled to get the trailer through the gate, Mr. Hot Bike Husband stood there and blinked at me while I asked for help a third time.
And that made me not so happy. There's a lesson here somewhere.
Like, freaking help me when I ask or prepare to feel my wrath.
But! Something that made me REALLY HAPPY is my new memory foam mattress pad, which makes my bed way too comfortable, and tempts me to stay there to indulge in a good wallowing. Wallowing isn't really festive but for Jenny Month it is ALL ABOUT ME. Or meh. Whatever.
Okay, I'm snickering over the visual of the bike hanging out the back of the trailer. Feeling a bit funny again. But still pissy. So watch yourselves.
Comments
I'm proud of you! Hauling kids in a trailer is plenty enough work, but adding an extra steed to the mix is excellent. You should be very proud and you have earned a free "Laugh at your husband next time he hits a bump too hard on his bike and bonks his Willie" card.
Posted by: ben | October 17, 2005 12:31 PM
That must've burned enough calories to warrant at least a SMALL pumpkin spice latte, doncha think?
Posted by: EverydaySuperGoddess | October 17, 2005 2:19 PM
What is it with the husbands this month? Between yours not wanting to help you with the bike and mine not wanting to bring in groceries because "I'm playing Command and Conquer online!" it's a wonder all the wives haven't started poisoning dinner.
Posted by: Sleepless Mama | October 17, 2005 2:32 PM
Oh, I am pissy too today, so I understand. Why must men be told? Can't they see and act on their own accord? ugh.
Posted by: Theresa | October 17, 2005 3:28 PM
The first part of the family bike ride sounds fun; great memory making for sure.
We have a foam memory thingie for our bed, too and every night when I climb into bed, I say "thank you" out loud. Seriously. One of the best Costco purchases ever.
Posted by: Stephanie C. | October 17, 2005 5:03 PM
You are a saint. I don't know what I would have done in your situation. If it weren't for child authorities, I would have been tempted to leave me son there and let him think twice about refusing to get back on his back and moreover kicking it twice.
Can you tell that I don't have kids?
Anyhow, I totally sympathize with your frustration.
Posted by: Miss Jackie | October 17, 2005 8:17 PM
Have you kicked his ass yet?
Seriously, I would be pissed. A tongue lashing (and not the fun kind) seems to be in order, especially given that it is the month of Jenny.
Or maybe something else is bugging him.
Posted by: Julie | October 17, 2005 8:54 PM
I would have been sorely tempted to grab the keys and "accidently" back the car over his foot. Twice.
On a "good hubby" note, my guy bought us the Tempur-Pedic mattress a couple of years ago. Heaven. Absolutely.
BTW? Your nonsense oaths sound an awful lot like Snoop Dog.
Posted by: buffi | October 17, 2005 9:34 PM
I make up swear words too!
It's not just husbands, my male roommate always looks like a deer in headlights when I ask for help or when I am hauling something big and heavy and could use some help but am using my mouth for breathing, not talking.
Posted by: Stephanie A. | October 17, 2005 10:56 PM
Oh that blank husband stare, how I know it. No Honey I'm doing just fine here!
My hubby has a way of looking at the chaos and deciding "oh, everyone seems to be busy then I can go into the basement to do really-unimportant-stuff!"
Yes everyone is busy, sure! I am busy preparing loads of food, the big boy is busy redecorating our living room and the little one is busy finding things to choke on!
Hello? A little help here?
Why do they not get it?
Posted by: barbex | October 18, 2005 12:56 AM
About the hubbies: Oh, they get it!
My ex fiance had a classic case of the deer in headlights blank-husband stare. One day he unwittingly admitted to me (in the narcissist giddy voice of a laughing devil, a Dennis the Menace kind of laugh that inadvartently spews out when one is caught in the middle of one of his schemes) that he knew that I WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT.
In short: He was capable, just unwilling.
I found this to be true over the next few months that I tolerated him before the relationship officially ended. When I did drop the ball, he picked it up -- but only if he sensed that I really dropped the ball, unintentionally.
He wanted to be taken care of. His mother was always in control. He wanted his wife to be the same way. I feel comfortable saying this because he completely admitted it to me when I confronted him on the issue!
Men! The good news is that not all of them are that way or to that extreme of my ex.
Posted by: Miss Jackie | October 18, 2005 7:12 AM
Hi, I was referred to your site by Nicole, who was reminded of you by one of my recent posts. I'm supposed to be searching your blog for "psl" but decided to read this post first.
I found it exceptionally funny (even though it probably wasn't at the time). I love your blog and am putting it in my favority places. It just has that feel good aura about it.
Thanks
Posted by: naive-no-more | October 18, 2005 11:56 AM
I know what you mean about feeling un - funny. Because I am feeling very un funny as of late.
BUT I laughed at that knock knock joke. What does that say about me?
That whole "I would have helped you but I didn't hear you when you asked" (because I was riding my bike a quarter mile ahead of you and your 70 pound makeshift trailer / parade float etc).
I can also relate to that
Try marrying a man with hearing aids. I asked hit three times to get Maggie up so I could sleep in (for the first time in a month) and he ignored/"didn't hear" me. I just about rammed a bottle of milk up his nose.
OY VEY.
Posted by: Meghan | October 18, 2005 1:40 PM
I am only posting this to be you 80,000th poster.
HAHAHAHA!!
Posted by: Meghan | October 18, 2005 1:44 PM
I think you have mine and Miss Jackies comments switched. Maybe you better go get another PSL and try to relax! :)
Posted by: naive-no-more | October 19, 2005 7:38 AM