Yes! No! Yes! Uh... Yes!
This parenting gig. Sheesh.
See the problem is this: I know what I want. I simply keep changing my mind about what it is I need.
I remember nuzzling my oldest daughter's tiny head, and begging her to stay the same size forever. Five minutes ago, I rolled my eyes up into my skull and demanded that she grow up and lay off with the whining.
Wiping my son's chin after a messy meal of pureed sweet potato, I looked forward to the days where he could feed himself. I didn't anticipate (in fact, I think I openly mocked the parenting gods and am now being smited) that self-feeding would lead to almost no food consumption by my picky eater.
The push to potty train. The realization that young children in big girl panties require 9000 stops at bathrooms, and no trip to the grocery store will ever occur again without abandoning a half-full cart and shlepping three squirrelly children into the restroom, where one will have to produce not only pee, but an epic poop, one will lay on the floor in his/her new outfit that Grandma bought somewhere expensive and become one with the grout, maybe treating a neighboring stall occupant to a good ogling, and one will discover the echo-y goodness that is an empty bathroom, and celebrate this newfound knowledge with shrieks that loosen asbestos from the stained ceiling tiles.
The momentary celebration that takes place when a kid shows a solid command of the English language. The horror that dawns when that same kid doesn't stop with the endless talking, most of which centers around what you should be doing for them, NOW, RIGHT NOW!
The pride in those first independent steps. The heartbreak when they run straight into class without a backwards glance.
The concealed delight when a kid utters something cheeky. The embarrassment when you realize they got the cheeky behavior from you, and Grandma/Teacher/Perfect Neighbor knows it, too.
The desire to have a television-free home. The desire to have a moment of peace to drink a cup of coffee without being strafed by questions and demands.
The guilt that you are not doing enough for them. The guilt that you are doing too much for them.
Enrichment activities! Time to just be a kid!
See, the thing is, I know parents who seem to balance all this stuff. They are clear on what they want. Me? I'm all over the road.
I want happy, bright, robust, and inquisitive children and yes, a little bit cheeky is expected. I also want kind, sensitive, polite and orderly children. Hah! Hahahahaha! Has anyone met their mother? I mean, we're giving that whole nature vs. nurture thing a workout over here.
I am entranced by them, at once so familiar and so foreign. I want to freeze them and learn to love all their current quirks, before they rush on and develop new ones. Some of the tough stages feel like they last forever, but then you blink, and it's been a year since you've sliced the skin off an apple, or carried an extra pair of underpants and jeans in every purse. You wake up one day and discover that funny little baby-name your daughter calls her umbrella has been replaced by the real word.
Go! Stop!
Wait!
Come back and let me look at you once again. Give me a kiss!
Go.
Comments
I think we all could have written this post. I want them to have a smart, well developed sense of humor. But no smart ass remarks to me, young lady!
When SugarPlum was about one or two, every time we went into the bathroom at Target, she would shout "Ho! He! Hiooooh!" I think she was signalling the mother ship.
Posted by: buffi | October 19, 2005 10:01 PM
Amen. My almost 3 year old has me saying stuff to him like When are you going to speak in a non foreign language that I actually understand and Please Lord make him understand that peeing on the floor is not ok. My 8 month old has me in the Don't grow another inch stage with her. I'm pulled in both directions but deep down, I love it. I signed up for this. I knew it would happen. All they have to say is Love you Mama (or in the baby's case, just crawl at top speed to me when I come home) and all is good in the world. Until high school. I cringe thinking of that. Ugh.
Posted by: Trish | October 20, 2005 12:07 AM
What a great post!
While I really like the growing-up-thing, sometimes the changes are just too fast. Just when I adapted to the new situation all the rules fly out the window AGAIN.
And you are right I want them to be everything all at once, kind and caring and taking no shit and all that.
Posted by: barbex | October 20, 2005 1:29 AM
I'm totally with you on this one. And, I too am all over the road... all over it like hot tar on a summer day. GAH!!!
Posted by: Amber | October 20, 2005 2:20 AM
Those parents who appear to balance this stuff? Total posers. ;)
Posted by: Mir | October 20, 2005 4:24 AM
I relate. When I see my oldest daughter get an attitude it's like looking at myself, poor child, she never stood a chance.
Posted by: Tyra | October 20, 2005 5:46 AM
Yes! Hooray you've reached a developmental milestone, wah you're growing up.
Posted by: Cathy | October 20, 2005 6:06 AM
Yes.
Well said, Jenny.
Posted by: EverydaySuperGoddess | October 20, 2005 6:26 AM
THIS POST!!!! This is why a little voice inside shouts "oh boy!" whenever bloglines tells me you've posted a new one. I love your outlook, your ability to find the humor, and poke some fun at life. Just love those babies, and thank God for them, and keep laughing. You're a hoot.
Posted by: Tammy Anderson | October 20, 2005 7:07 AM
Wonderful post. It's a mom thing.
Posted by: Theresa | October 20, 2005 7:42 AM
Superb post! I'm laughing and crying together. The ever magnetic push and pull of motherhood. You've summed it up with humor and truth. Eh, truth is humor, huh?
This is wonderful!
Posted by: naive-no-more | October 20, 2005 8:08 AM
Ditto.
Posted by: Christy | October 20, 2005 8:25 AM
I LOVE THIS.
Posted by: Dorothy | October 20, 2005 8:51 AM
I wish baby books would tell parents that as long as you unconditionally love your children, it's okay to be all over the road when it relates to patience. Why should we be automatons who always feel the same way and have the same reaction to behavior or noise or humor or sleeplessness. You're consistent about the stuff that matters..."Don't run across the road without looking, Don't talk to strangers, Don't throw your food on the floor, "Don't do a million and one things." By being consistent about that stuff, you've earned the right to be inconsistent when it suits you.
Posted by: Lin | October 20, 2005 9:08 AM
Well written.
These damn kids are going to break our hearts, aren't they?!?!
Posted by: Mary | October 20, 2005 10:17 AM
My feelings exactly. This post rocks!
Posted by: surcie | October 20, 2005 11:32 AM
Wonderful post. I hear ya and I feel the same way, sister!
Posted by: Lisa B | October 20, 2005 12:30 PM
I agree with Amber -- posers!
This post should be permanently linked to the main page as one of the "classics," or something like that. I'd love to be able to access it all of the time.
Posted by: Miss Jackie | October 20, 2005 3:09 PM
YES from me, too. Especially the wishing you could freeze them at each stage. Every morning my six year old blows me a kiss and yells "Love you mommy" as I drop him off at school, and my heart breaks just a little knowing how soon he will stop doing that.
Posted by: Elizabeth | October 20, 2005 3:42 PM
Dammit! You've made me teary-eyed again.
Posted by: cgarrett | October 20, 2005 3:58 PM
Very few posts really capture my moment.. but this one did.. and you did it very well.
sniffle.
:/
Posted by: Holli | October 20, 2005 9:43 PM
Amen. You read my mind; many times over apparently, since I change it so often.
And it seems you know quite well what it's like taking preschool triplets to the bathroom! I thought my experience was unusual - guess not so much!
mom to 3 5-year-olds,
Posted by: SheilaC | October 20, 2005 11:01 PM
hey, those parents that seem to have it all balanced... could you get me their names, i have a couple dozen questions for them! (i bet it's all an act anyway).
Posted by: monique | October 21, 2005 8:35 AM
Excellent post! It's these feelings that cause otherwise sane women to have "just one more" kid, you know. That way, one can grow up, and you still get to have a baby around!
Posted by: Tammy/averagemom | October 21, 2005 1:34 PM
Lovely post! They grow up too fast but not fast enough. My eldest has started to say "make up your mind Mummy" but that's just it, I can't!
Posted by: ella | October 21, 2005 2:34 PM