There, There
Somebody needs to soothe me. Who wants to hold me, patting my back while I repeat odd phrases, over and over?
I've been brought to the brink of insanity today by a series of seemingly unrelated, unimportant events.
1) Picture retake day at school is also "pajama day" at school. Does anyone see a dilemma with this? I mean, in theory, it's no biggie, except when you are five and six, you are all about school spirit. ALL ABOUT IT. And the recorded message from the school announcing that all the class photos were messed up, so please bring your children to school in 'photo' clothes, and send their pajamas for them to change into...just, no. I did not send the pajamas, and I am a horrible, evil witch. But, like, RESCHEDULE PAJAMA DAY. Or cancel it.
2) I, against my better judgement, allowed my oldest daughter to get one of those motorized dogs that respond to certain stimuli. They bark and whimper and move their heads. Whatever. It's not like we have a real dog. (Donna the Dog resents this new intruder as much as I do.)
Anyway, I let her take the thing along in the car on the way to Photo/Pajama Day, but made her leave it behind. I left straight from the school for my morning of random errands and music class with my youngest. Every bump in the road triggered whimpers and panting noises, combined with a creepy motorized head turning sound.
So, I'm driving along, listening to this high pitched "huhhhn huhhhn huhhhn" followed by a grinding "whirrrrrrr" sound. Every 30 seconds.
I did the smart thing, and pulled over, only to find that there is no off switch. And I didn't have a screwdriver to take the thing apart. I threw it into the trunk, at which point my youngest started howling and screaming for "doggie come baaaaaaack!"
Mutter Binga Shuga Mugga. Fine. I hand her the dog, and resume our course towards HELL.
3) We stopped to pick up some soft-soled shoes at a wonderful children's store and I ended up buying a little wooden whistle for my daughter. Another dubious parenting choice! I loaded her back into the car, and between the "huhhhn huhhhhn huhhhn" and "whirrrrrr" and "toot-toooooot!" I was feeling edgy.
4) Music class was fun, and my daughter fell asleep in the car on the way home, whistle still in her mouth, making little tweeting sounds as she breathed. I turned up some music, drowning out the sound of the whining fake dog. I rewarded myself with a little something-something in the form of an Eggnog Latte. "Why, hello, Eggnog Latte! Mmmm. You smell delicious! Why don't I just spill you down the front of myself before I get more than two sips?"
Yeah. So now, I'm just rocking back and forth, muttering and making a mechanical whining sound while smelling vaguely of nutmeg.
Oh! And my clothes dryer isn't working. See? It's fantastic to be me today!
Comments
Perhaps your dryer has been possessed with the spirit of Satan. I hear that's going around.
Oh, and? I totally bought my kids Fur Real animals for Christmas. I'm already cringing.
Posted by: Mir | November 10, 2005 1:40 PM
you're on a roll!!!
and where is the logic in having picture retake day on pajama day? hahahah.
Posted by: cmhl | November 10, 2005 2:24 PM
I had my first eggnog latte today too!
Posted by: steph | November 10, 2005 2:52 PM
Sorry your day isn't going so well. Also sorry to say, I laughed about it. Oops.
Posted by: Stephanie C. | November 10, 2005 3:52 PM
Man, when the month of Jenny is over it is REALLY over!!
But honestly, what were you thinking purchasing the robot dog? And a whistle?? I think you may need to have your meds adjusted.
No. Wait. That's me.
Posted by: buffi | November 10, 2005 4:10 PM
I spill too.
It sucks.
Posted by: Summer | November 10, 2005 5:14 PM
Maybe it will make you feel better to hear about somebody else's problems. A couple of years back we went to our friends house for their son's 3 year old birthday party. When we get there he is seriously enjoying this electonic keyboard that he can not only play, but that plays itself. So of course it is playing some inane tune, at full volume, over and over. Every time the mother tries to surreptitiously turn the volume down the darling boy whacks it back up to 11. Which cruel sadistic person bought this for him, we ask. Who had they wronged so much that this was the punishment inflicted? We bought it, the parents reply.
Dr. Fool prescribes more caramel!
Posted by: The Fool | November 11, 2005 1:55 AM
Revenge?
Send the kids in pyjamas, forget the normal clothes.
Honestly, how many parents have their kids' school pictures where the kid is in their PJs? You'll be so chic and different!
Posted by: Kal | November 11, 2005 2:26 AM
See, I was totally thinking about getting one of those Fur Real dogs for my kids, since we can't get a real dog at this time. But now...not so much, no. I can't deal with the whirring. Thanks for informing me of this toys hideous tendencies.
Also: put the little one down for a nap, get out some bath salts and bubble bath (dishwashing liquid will also work very well), and go soak in the tub. You need it.
Posted by: Sleepless Mama | November 11, 2005 7:32 AM
There, there.
And so is the life of a mutha. Girl, I feel your pain.
My son likes to play with a set of Fisher Price keys when I drive. When he's not in the car, I get freaked out by the little honking and traffic sounds it makes. Paranoid, I guess.
I've come to accept that a mess on the front of my shirt is the price I have to pay for a holiday latte.
When you talk to your fancy Starbucks beverages, I'm reminded of Sarah Jessica Parker's Carrie talking to her Manolos in Sex and the City. "Hello, Lovah!"
Posted by: surcie | November 11, 2005 9:46 AM
What's worse is when you decide it's time for some totally obnoxious toy that they don't even play with that much to go to Goodwill. So you put it in the bottom of a grocery bag, cover it with outgrown clothes and start driving. Only to have the toy turn itself on and have the kids go "Mom, how come I can hear that insert-annoying-toy's-name coming from that bag? You're not..GIVING IT AWAY are you? Waaaaahhhh!!!!"
Posted by: Elizabeth | November 11, 2005 10:35 AM
Not the eggnog latte! nooooooooooooooooo
Posted by: cgarrett | November 11, 2005 11:43 AM
Your comment about PJ day and photo reshoots cracked me up this morning.
Thanks for the great lauch.
Posted by: BJ Fogg | November 12, 2005 7:13 AM