High Achiever
My son has been working on his armpit farts.
And when I say "working" I mean he uses any free moment (at home, so far) to whip off his shirt and squeeze out a couple. The first few times were funny. Really funny. I laughed, a musical tinkle, a delightful, silvery sound to express my amusement at my precocious son's new-found skill.
Oh, okay. I busted a gut guffawing as he pumped his skinny arm up and down like a chicken wing, fierce concentration on his face. He flapped so much he bruised himself. I think I even snorted, so unlady-like was my response. It was funny. Then.
Now, I am removing my endorsement of the whole armpit fart concept.
My son has taken this whole thing to a new level. He greeted my husband after work last night by whipping off his shirt and performing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" with his right pit. I have to admit, it wasn't even tough to make out the tune. Then he used his left pit as percussion as he sang his interpretation of the William Tell Overture.
Dah nuh nuh nuh dah nuh nuh *fart, fart*
He's got bruises shaped like his little fingers on his shoulder blades, people. He's taken to this new venture with the zeal he normally lavishes on dinosaurs. My husband is not supportive of my desire to squash this. No. He thrust a hand into his pit and played along, giggling madly. His sisters think it is a riot, but so far have not been able to master the pit-fart themselves. This is not for lack of trying, however. I'm torn between amusement and despair.
This morning, after brushing his teeth, my son added some foot stomps to his routine, and a "woo!" and a "yeah!"
I announced that I had seen/heard enough of that, and please stop for the love of dinosaurs. He put a quick *pfft pfft* stinger note on his tune, but the gleam was still there. He's going to be working up bigger and better routines, and I'm going to be powerless to stop it.
Ah yes. The wonders of parenting a son. I wonder what's next? Belching the alphabet?
Comments
Guess it's better than my daughters, who still congratulate each other on the sound and odor involved in passing gas. I should have known this would be a problem. Years ago, I was patting my newborn on the back, 'burping' her. When she gave the proper response, I told her, "Good job!" Then I asked my young husband, "At what age do we stop encouraging her to pass gas?" To which he replied, "What do you mean?"
Posted by: Erin | January 25, 2006 11:06 AM
I'm impressed. Monkey can belch the alphabet (and does, lord help me) but has yet to master the armpit fart.
Posted by: Mir | January 25, 2006 12:08 PM
Oh the things I have to look forward to....Jed is only 2 so hopefully I have some time.
Of course he may progress quickly since his 15 yr old sister has started to "unconsciously" (or so she says) belch at the table.
And my husband? I already know he will absolutely be of no help. After passing gas (ok farting) he has been known to say "Hey, did you hear that frog?!?!?!?"
Posted by: cary | January 25, 2006 12:43 PM
OMG...my older son is 10, and he and his buddy were doing the armpit thing so much the other night that they had rashes and had to stop. My 4 yr. old is now insisting that I put my hands under both of his arms so he can flap them and do dual farts because he can't do it on his own! It's an epidemic.
Posted by: baseballmom | January 25, 2006 1:43 PM
Well, thank God it's just been a show for the family so far! My Boy bypassed the armpit farting and went straight for the "pretend to throw an air ball into your mouth...pretend to swallow it...then fart" routine. Classy.
He needs to at least learn your favorite song. That way when you're dying from humiliation you can at least sing along!
Posted by: Lisa | January 25, 2006 2:37 PM
This reminds me of camp. I go to camp every year to corral a cabin of up to 12 8-9 year old boys. Someone my first year taught them how to do the arm farts...which in itself was mildly humorous. But she (yes she!) taught them some technique with a straw that makes the damn things come out in stereo and echo. Yeah. Fun times. And those first year boys (some 4 years ago) have taught every kid behind them. Shall I send you the technique?:)
Posted by: gigem | January 25, 2006 3:02 PM
Just pray you don't see him years from now on an episode of "Stupid Human Tricks", doing Beethoven's 5th. Although that would be impressive...
Posted by: Kristen | January 25, 2006 6:36 PM
Oh, man, armpit farts. I've got two boys. Heaven help me.
Posted by: buffi | January 25, 2006 8:19 PM
Ummmm, YEAH. I'm right there with you. The Boy picked up on hand farting about 6 months ago, it was encouraged by the grandparents (as grandpa did the same thing when he was young!) & it took off.
Later, they introduced the armpit fart, which he quickly picked up on...
And sadly, Daddy showed him the back-of-the-knee fart... which can be performed two-handed in rapid succession with legs pumping.
Oh.
My.
GOSH!!!!!!
I am SOOOOOOOO not ready for this!
Speaking of the William Tell Overture... there was a guy who did this COMPLETELY with his hands on an old episode of The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Tried SO HARD to find the link... his name was John Twomey.
But I did find this.... a close second. Still pretty amazing! DO NOT show your son!!!!!!
http://www.geocities.com/pavaroddy/Songs.htm
The boy (ours) thinks it's HILARIOUS!!!!!
xo Ging
Posted by: Ginger | January 26, 2006 7:53 AM
*L* Ah. well. You see. There are ways to do this WITHOUT the rash, and so every child can achieve the perfect armpit fart routine. My Sister (oh, how I wish I could beat her) taught it to my children. And her children. and the neighbors children, so on and so forth.
Take a bendy straw - you know the ones normal people use to drink their milk? Yes. Place one end of the bendy straw in your armpit. hold it there with your arm, naturally. Place the other end in your mouth - blow.
This not only allows for prolonged [ as long as one has breath! ] arm-pit farting joy without the rash and tired arms, but you can keep your shirt on too! and do it ANYWHERE.
Yes. My sister taught this to my children. Can you FEEL how much I appreciate her for it? hm? Can ya? OY!
Posted by: Lessa | January 26, 2006 8:23 AM
yet another reason I am glad that I only have girls...my 7 year old already doesn't want to get married because dads fart too much!!!
Posted by: Lise | January 26, 2006 8:49 AM
Gawd, I wish I didn't have to be the bearer of such bad tidings, but having raised two girls and two boys, sadly, yes, burping the alphabet with come next and probably quickly. Best of luck to you sugar!!
Posted by: Debby | January 26, 2006 10:31 AM
Actually belching the alphabet is next you lucky Mom you. My son hasn't really nailed the armpit thing - but boy does he love to belch the alphabet. And 4 yr old "me too" brother can't really belch - so he pretends to. Deep, deep sigh. You really make me laugh and have become one of my favorite blogs. Thanks!
Posted by: Maria | January 26, 2006 11:17 AM
My nearly-9 year old daughter is learning to speak when she belches. Frankly, I'm impressed. I was always jealous of my friend Mimi who could say things like "I love Satan" when she belched. It was awesome.
And I'm off to get a bendy straw...
Posted by: Deana | January 26, 2006 2:15 PM
HAHAHAHAHA!! I fear for my sanity when my boy gets old enough to do this. Already he's enjoying snorting and snarfing and saying "Making rude noises!" It's the top of the slippery slope, I tell you.
Posted by: Anna | January 26, 2006 6:43 PM
Hey, you never know. There could be scholarships available for arm pit farting. Crack the whip and get that boy to keep practicing!
Posted by: Melanie Lynne Hauser | January 27, 2006 8:17 AM
My seven year old likes to belch the theme song from Skooby Doo. I friggin' hate Skooby Doo.
Posted by: Janeen | January 27, 2006 10:29 AM
LOL!! My 8 year old son is into the armpit thing too!!
Posted by: Mama B | January 27, 2006 4:01 PM
I have to laugh. The frog thing cracked me up! My youngest brother and I look at each other and then say, "Barking spider!" Of course, his son, my nephew has already learned the fine art of farts and giggling madly at them, encouraged by his dad.
Posted by: Stephanie A. | January 30, 2006 10:14 PM