Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick
That ticking sound? It's the sound of my head with the pin pulled. Best get behind something, I'm about to scatter shrapnel.
I am having some sort of rage disorder today. You asked me for a pudding? A PUDDING? YOU asked ME for A PUDDING?!?
Really, go on. Ask me anything. I'll make it a problem. The weather? You asked ME about THE WEATHER?
This is a sad, sad offshoot of the happy busy brain of late spring 2005. Last time I was a creative genius. This time I'm just angry. Irrationally so, I might add.
In any case, I'm eating the last pudding cup (hah! take that!) and getting ready to fold a load of towels, the only laundry task that I enjoy. Mmmm. Warm towels, fresh from the dryer, folded into thirds, and piled on the shelf. It's orderly and tidy looking, and housewifey to the max. Unlike folding underwear, which, no matter what you do, just doesn't end up folded square, stacked neatly. Which makes me upset today.
Next, there's a toss up between pulverizing concrete with a sledgehammer, or pulverizing a bag of tortilla chips with my teeth. I'm thinking chips are the way to go. Damn my lack of construction projects! I could really use some demolition right about now.
This is what Bill Bixby must have felt like when he transformed into Lou Ferrigno. I guess it is too much to hope for that I will turn into some sort of eight-foot-tall bronzed goddess with lazer-beam eyes and abs of steel. No, I am transforming into a bitter shrew with sweatpant-clad Dorito butt.
Fear my wrath.
Comments
Somethings going around, yo. I've been on bitch status for a week (at least). Weeeeeeeeee, good times!
Posted by: Elaine | January 2, 2006 2:12 PM
Trust me, I'm shivering all the way down to my slip-on sneakers!
Posted by: Erin | January 2, 2006 2:24 PM
I'm there for you dorito-butt. J-man's two week hiatus from school is making me insane. It's raining outside, so my kids have nothing better to do than fight. Naturally.
Posted by: Candice | January 2, 2006 3:16 PM
I've often found that pulverizing concrete with my teeth helps take some of the edge off.
Chomp on!
Posted by: Summer | January 2, 2006 3:38 PM
But, tomorrow, the kids will be in school, and the husband will return to work.
And you were the epitome of patience when I spoke to you. No yelling at the boy when he asked for paper. So you aren't as bad as you fear.
Posted by: Carmen | January 2, 2006 5:50 PM
Here, have a margarita with that pudding cup. It'll take the edge off.
Posted by: buffi | January 2, 2006 6:42 PM
Sounds like your new year is off to a great start, but aren't the fireworks supposed to be OUTside? :D
Posted by: treysdaddy | January 2, 2006 8:54 PM
Couldn't be a case of hormones, as in, pregnant? I didn't just say that.
Posted by: Stephanie C. | January 2, 2006 9:50 PM
Hey! That's my line! (giggle!)
Posted by: Dawn | January 2, 2006 10:00 PM
You mean, you actually take the time to fold the clean clothes instead of leaving them in a lump in your room for several days? (You are a better woman than I.)
Now, I will stay out of your way until you've had that margarita :)
Posted by: Donna | January 3, 2006 7:25 AM
Well, you gotta be the funniest sweatpant-clad Dorito-butted blogger on the planet. That must count for something!
Posted by: surcie | January 3, 2006 10:07 AM
There will be no questions from me today. Have a better day tomorrow.
Cas
Posted by: cassie-b | January 3, 2006 10:28 AM
I think you've been pushing the supermom thing for awhile.. return to Clark Kent mode and give yourself a break, lest your head explodes and we get no more creative writing. Then the rest of us would have to blow up too. Now that would suck.
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