Oh Yeah, Baby
I have been losing a tiny bit of weight lately, probably because I'm like, cleaning my house and stuff. I always thought those calorie burning estimates for vacuuming and dusting were a joke. Of course, I wasn't actually doing vacuuming and dusting, so what did I know? Apparently, flapping my arms while I roam around the house burns calories! This is exciting!
I got up before the sun this morning. My youngest crawled into our bed sometime in the middle of the night, and sat bolt upright, demanding to know "Who wizzpopped?" at 4:30 am. After I got done snickering as she accused first me, then the husband, then the dog, then the clock and finally decided that it was her own butt responsible, I couldn't get back to sleep. I lay on my back for a few minutes, with my three-year-old's fingers poking into my ear canal, and finally decided that I was better off getting up.
With an early start, I decided to walk the kids to school for the first time in, like, forever. I did it, too. We got to school, where I delivered my daughter's sack full of birthday snacks to the teacher. When I asked my daughter what sort of cupcakes or cookies she wanted to share with her class, she informed me that her teacher would prefer a snack that didn't crumble or make a mess, and could I please bring fruit leather? Being a snot, I wanted to bring crumbling, nonpareil covered cookies with icing that stains. Instead, I bought fruit leather. Boy, do we know how to party.
Back at home after my two mile jaunt, I decided to do a little work with weights. I mean, why not, I was on a roll. So I did some squats, and deadlifts, and some other things. And then I got out the weighted hula hoop and stood in my front yard, bashing the crap out of my ribcage with a giant grin on my face. I was all "Ow! Hee! Hoo! Ow! Haaaaa! Hee hee! Ow! Hah! Ow!" for five minutes and then I couldn't take any more. I've managed to clear a workout space in my bedroom, which I fully intend to use for yoga someday soon. I also set up the mini-trampoline at the foot of my bed, so that I can see our little TV while I exercise.
I don't know if you can call jumping up and down while holding onto my bounding breastesses so they don't achieve orbit, despite the use of a sportsbra, is actually exercise. I was too busy laughing and picturing the special moves that I could surprise my husband with at bedtime. I think I could work up to a fancy half-twisting mount onto the bed if I practice. A back somersault sounds like a good dismount move. But then again, I'm not sure I can stick the landing without spraining something.
Wahoo!
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Comments
Oh, man, you crack me up.
My idea of exercise is to walk my dogs. But I console myself by thinking at least I'm not having to struggle with sweater puppies at the same time.
Posted by: ben | March 23, 2006 12:43 PM
You are waaaay too funny! Thank God you write! This day has been the shits...that is until I read your blog. I can always count on Jenny to make me laugh! Thanks!
Posted by: Alison | March 23, 2006 1:54 PM
Oh, My GOD, you slay me. Too, too funny. You KNOW I'm right there with you on the bounding brestesses. Sometimes, I wear a regular bra with a heavy duty sports bra over it. It almost works well enough.
Four months until BlogHer!!
Posted by: Carmen | March 23, 2006 2:04 PM
Wow! You crack me up! I can so relate! I have my area and yoga DVD in line to start, you know for the last FOUR years! You would think (really) that there would be a better calorie burn for RUNing/SRINTing around after my two boys! (3 1/2 & 5 months) Sigh. Maybe next life, eh? Thanks for a great read!
Posted by: Amanda Raboin | March 23, 2006 5:49 PM
Just try not to whizzpop while you do your yoga. Or is that a physical impossibility?
Posted by: Mrs. Why | March 23, 2006 7:14 PM
Bwwwwwaaaahhhhhhaaaaaa! I love the trampoline bit...I bet your husband would appreciate some of those moves! Could be a whole new marriage-renewal thing...you should market it!
Posted by: baseballmom | March 23, 2006 11:36 PM
Wow, you are really turning over a new leaf.
I'd like a picture of you hula-hooping in your front yard.
I'm not with you on the breastesses, but I always think I'm gonna pee when I get on the trampoline.
Posted by: Mega Mom | March 24, 2006 4:13 AM
I love the feeling that you get when you start to see results....it is inspiring.Especially because you sound like your having fun doing it. I keep saying that I am going to start tomorrow but as we all know tomorrow NEVER comes. I say this with working out and with cleaning...I will have to check back with you daily so I can get motivated.
Posted by: Sonia | March 24, 2006 5:06 AM
Happy exercising.
Cas
I'll think of you while I'm doing my exercises.
Posted by: cassie-b | March 24, 2006 7:49 AM
I too am a breastesses bearer, lol. I bought the bouncers, so I guess I have no right to complain? LOL. Still, when I actually motivate myself to exercise (few and far between)...they always cause a problem. lol.
Posted by: Kristen | March 24, 2006 10:40 AM
So, I really think that for her birthday or Teacher's day, you should buy your daughter's teacher one of those Swiffer carpet thingies and a really big, messy, sprinkly batch of cupcakes.
And I'm saying that as a teacher, not a bitchy mom.
Posted by: Jenn2 | March 24, 2006 11:53 AM
That was GOOD!! I laughed out loud and woke up my baby, you painted a really clear picture!! I could see the trampoline coming in handy...
Posted by: Shash | March 24, 2006 9:20 PM
This is hysterical! I about fell out of my chair laughing, picturing the dismount. Nice!!
Posted by: Niihaus | March 26, 2006 2:16 PM
I don't do ANYTHING that causes my breasties to bungy. I walk - not run. I don't bounce. Because I don't want to get a black eye.
Posted by: Melanie Lynne Hauser | March 27, 2006 10:26 AM
Breastesses! I though I was the only one to use that word. *laugh* Loving the idea of the trampoline near the bed. Good luck with that whole not spraining thing :D Blogrolled you so I can find you more easily from now on.
Posted by: Whimspiration | March 28, 2006 10:58 AM