So, I'm officially "starting" my diet. "Starting" meaning "making a virtuous grocery list while eating leftover pizza from last night." I also decided to dust off some of my exercise DVDs so that I could make a tenative workout schedule for myself, alternating walking and weights with rebounding and hula hooping and throwing in some DVD goodness to boot.

I pulled out this little gem, which I bought eons ago, and really is a pretty good little workout. Ha! I crack myself up. Listen to me... oh, it's a baby little wee workout. Because you know that I'd be gasping for breath midway through the warmup segment. But I'm an expert judge of workouts. I have watched a lot of them. Again, that is not to say that I've followed any more than a few times, but the watching is quite fun.

Ahem.

My eyes fell on the sister of the above little gem, languishing in the plastic wrap it came in. I decided to give it a spin.

It looks like a great one. I mean, first of all, the instructor is Australian, and rather stoic. Or maybe that's because her entire face has been botoxed into submission. But she's not a yipper, and frankly, not all that encouraging. She says things like "yeah, I know it burns. KEEP GOING."

Yes ma'am.

And it's KICKBOXING BOOTCAMP. Hello! That's totally funny! The only thing that would be funnier is if it was Kickboxing Booty-Camp. In fact, I think I'll call it that. I got right up off the couch and started punch-jab-undercutting right along with her. I'm going to be like Chuck Norris with the roundhouse kicks! I'm going kick some spongy, girlie ass and I'm going to like it!

Yeah. Well. Ow. The only ass that got kicked was mine, and I'm currently sitting on the spongy, girlieness right now. I can tell I'm going to be sore tomorrow. Which is hot, right? Girls who limp around and can't sit down without bracing themselves are hot. You heard it here first.