My daughter gleefully zipped open her backpack last night, and pushed a photocopied page into my face. I spluttered a bit as I pushed it back far enough for my eyes to focus on the words. I could just see my daughter's eyes twinking with excitement at me from over the top of the paper.

2006 VARIETY SHOW

It's that time again! We are looking for a variety of acts, such as: song, dance, instrumental, comedy, skits or any special talent a student may have. (A bunch of details) Students should start practicing now so they are well prepared.

Well, shut my mouth and slap the chicken. I lowered the paper to find my daughter still beaming at me, with a pencil in her hand. "Fill it out, Mommy!"

Oh my. Is this like the time Nickelodeon was looking for America's Funniest Mom and the kids decided I should audition? I refused, of course.

Uh, um. "What are you doing for the show?" I asked.

"I'm doing ballet!" With this proclamation, she began to whirl and tiptoe and leap around the kitchen, all with a snooty look on her face. "I'm going to be the STAR!"

"Oh, um. Well. It says you need to start practicing now, and have a routine and everything. Do you want to dance to music?"

She indicated that yes, and feels that Your Attitude Towards Cuttlefishwill provide a lovely backdrop to her interpretive dance. Oh, the lure of the squid-themed ballet.

See, this is one of the times where being a mommyblogger really can bite you in the ass. Because hello! How ripe for parody! How easy to make fun of her solid and probably well-justified belief that she should not only perform ballet for the variety show, but that it will make her a star. I'm no expert, and probably more than a little bitter having entered and lost more talent competitions than I'm willing to admit.

(I am talented! I swear. However, I made the mistake of doing a "dance" to Stray Cat Strut in 6th grade wearing cat ears and a tail on my black leotard. And I didn't actually learn a routine or anything like that. No, that stuff is for suckers. I just sort of got up on stage and pranced around. Actually, that's kind of comic genius. Never mind. It wasn't a mistake. It was brilliant. And that's only ONE of the moments that make me SO GLAD my parents didn't make home movies.)

But here's the thing - do I encourage her to let her Cuttlefish flag fly, or do I suggest that perhaps she wait until another year, or do I pray she isn't chosen in the auditions and let her try? What to do, since clearly, it would be wrong to put video of it on the internet?

Apparently, kindergarteners aren't encouraged to apply, which is a bummer, because my son is getting quite masterful with the armpit and kneepit farts. He's carrying melodies, now. Perhaps I can get them to do a sibling act. Oh! And I can join in, and we can wear matching outfits!

Now, if I'm in it, I'm totally posting it on the internet.