Cue The Angelic Choir
So, this morning, I was enjoying a little me time on the toilet. I had just seated myself when the door burst open, revealing my wild-haired three-year-old. She ignored my request that she turn around and march her little hiney back out to the living room, and began peppering me with questions.
"Whatcha doin' Mama?"
"Want me to help?"
"I'm a big girl! I'm six! You want me to get you some toilet paper?"
I sat there, sort of hunched up, hoping to just finish my bidness quietly and without conversation. It was not to be.
"Hey, Mommy! Take these cotton swabs and put one in each ear and then let go! See! They are like little antennas?"
And so it was that I found myself sitting on the toilet at 7:45 am with a Q-Tip dangling from each ear, with a toddler trying to peer between my clenched knees to see if I already made peeps and poops.
I waved her off, and she busied her with digging under the sink. She unearthed a wall hook in the shape of a butterfly. She held it cupped in her tiny hands, and lifted it skyward like an offering.
"This is a rare and special butterfly! It was given to me by my grandmother. She got it from her grandmother. It is rare and a treasure. It is a TREASURE. Look, mommy. The rare butterfly!"
This is total b.s. by the way. Nice story, kid.
Still on her knees, she sort-of scooted herself over until she was right next to the toilet. She raised her hands again, butterfly cradled in her palms. As she lifted it towards my face, she opened her mouth and made a sound like a high pitched "aaaaaaaaaaah"
Not a scream aaaaah. No, she was doing the unveiling of the holy relic singing aaaaaah.
And so it was that I was presented with a rare, pretend heirloom butterfly while enthroned on the toilet with two Q-tips hanging out of my ears, to the strains of angels singing at 7:45 in the morning.
And I don't even know what to say about that.
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Comments
Ain't motherhood grand? *chuckle* Thanks, I needed a laugh today!
Posted by: Whimspiration | August 14, 2006 10:26 PM
You were being treated like the queen you so obviously are. It's about time those kids got with the program.
Posted by: chris | August 15, 2006 6:15 AM
Ah, Motherhood takes us to places we never dreamed possible. This was totally funny. It makes me think I need to pay attention to these funny/awkward/embarassing/weird moments so I can blog about them. Every cloud has it's silver lining.
Posted by: Jenny | August 15, 2006 7:15 AM
Taha!!
My daughter came in this morning to watch me poop. When I went for a second piece of toilet paper (tex-mex, that's all you need to know), she said "No more paper! YOU PUT THAT BACK!"
Ah, they are so cute, aren't they?
Posted by: ben | August 15, 2006 7:20 AM
And that's one of the many many reasons I love kids.
Posted by: cassie-b | August 15, 2006 7:35 AM
It's great to start your day with a laugh, at least!
I love the BS stories, mine come up with them regularly, it's hysterical.
Thanks for sharing the laugh!
Posted by: rachel | August 15, 2006 8:06 AM
Wellllll....no one can say your potty time is boring.
Posted by: Kimmie | August 15, 2006 8:10 AM
You must get a lock on the door; or use the one that's already there!
Then again, you wouldn't have this great story to blog about.
Posted by: Stephanie c. | August 15, 2006 8:42 AM
That was so funny!!! I am glad to know that bathroom adventures are shared by other mothers too!! What we wouldn't do to have a few minutes to ourselves and you would think the toilet could be it!!!
Thanks for the chuckle!!!
Posted by: Amanda | August 15, 2006 9:45 AM
Yeah...the peering to check out what you're doing? Oy! My son (3 1/2) also tries to check out what I'm doing. Why? Why? Why do these kids need to know?
Posted by: Grace | August 15, 2006 11:46 AM
This is what motherhood is all about. The hilarious, surreal moments where we aren't sure if we should laugh or scream. Ahhhh.
Posted by: jenn2 | August 15, 2006 12:12 PM
It's great that you appreciate the humor of moments like these as they're happening. Great story.
Posted by: molly | August 15, 2006 2:17 PM
Sorry you lost your very essential Me Time. But at least she didn't stick her hands in the bowl and emerge with something else that she held above her head with godly reverence.
Posted by: Mom101 | August 15, 2006 7:13 PM
You said it perfectly. You always manage to capture the magic of those insane moments that others would just as quickly discard.
Heirlooms are created from these unique experiences.
And if you've had enough of heirlooms, can I suggest an additional lock on the door?
You rock, you know. Even on the throne.
:)
Posted by: Carmi | August 15, 2006 7:56 PM
I haven't been able to potty by myself in about 3 years. Hubby complains that the kids come in on him once in a while. Come on, it's once in a while. I dream of the day I can go potty in peace.
I have a similar experience:
http://coolzebras.blogspot.com/2006/06/my-morning-with-miss-mand-other-m.html
Posted by: Heather | August 15, 2006 10:08 PM
I stumbled upon you by way of Nicole at Sitting Still's blogroll. I'm glad I did. My GAWD do I understand this one--I have a two year old daughter who loves to invade my "potty me" time as well. HA!
Posted by: Crazy MomCat | August 15, 2006 10:15 PM
oooh! ooh! SCHOOL!!! I CAN'T WAIT!
actually it only means an extra hour-ish a day for me, but that's FIVE HOURS A WEEK, man. can't beat that shit with a stick.
Posted by: sweetney | August 17, 2006 1:23 PM