Snotballs
This morning, I dragged my clogged sinuses out of bed and started rousing the children. I did the whole "family togetherness, sickness version" yesterday, and I would be damned if I was going to do that again today.
I prodded them awake, an unusual state of affairs around here. Thank you, 2 AM doses of Dimetapp! As they popped up in their beds, I gave them the ole once over. No fevers, but plenty of snot. Well, what's a little snot, right?
Aw yeah... they were going to school. Come on, bounce with me, y'all!
I fed them. I clothed them. I reclothed them after they kept wiping their snotty noses on their sleeves.
"You guys are going to have to use kleenex, or your clothes are going to be giant balls of snot by the end of the day." I'm not the most logical mother on the planet, especially when I'm sick.
I loaded their pockets with tissues, and seriously contemplated whether it would be better to put them in short sleeves vs. long sleeves, to keep the temptation to wipe to a minimum. Seriously. This is a basic hygenic principle, and it makes me crazy to have to explain and explain and explain. Use a tissue. Dude. Tissue.
I also spent a lot of time saying things like "Blow like a dinosaur!" and "Better to blow it out than cough it up, I always say!" in a chipper tone. My youngest prefers to blow like a pirate, which involves a good honking blow, accompanied by a fist swinging in front of her chest, and finishing with an aaaaaargh.
I was thoroughly disgusted by the time I made it to the school. The bell was ringing as we rounded the corner, so I pulled into the bus circle and ejected my little snotballs from my just barely moving van. What? Like you've never done that.
Okay, so I stopped. Instead of blowing kisses, I teepee'd my hands over my nose and nodded my head vigorously, and then shouted "not on your sleeves!" My little monkeys both waved tissues at me, and sprinted off to their classes.
Comments
Oh sister, I feel your pain. My son has allergies, so I have to deal with the snot situation daily. My daughter is teething, and I have finally just quit bothering to wipe her drippy nose. If I did, I would get nothing else accomplished. Fortunately, snot comes out of clothes in the laundry . . . unlike baby poop. Grrrrr!
Posted by: Neila | September 1, 2006 6:27 PM
I've never heard a sick family described with such hilarity, nor so much snot. How do you manage to keep your humor when you feel so badly? Hope you all get better quickly, even thought I'll miss hearing about the little snotballs.
Posted by: molly | September 1, 2006 6:56 PM
Ahoy matey! I hope you went home to sleep after you ejected them from the car. I still can't get my husband to use a tissue most of the time. He does this gross gag, swallow thing. And no, he doesn't get kissed after that.
Posted by: Heather | September 1, 2006 8:09 PM
May I hazzard a guess here? When they were picked up from school one or both arms of clothing were stiff from dried snot? Because that's what would have happened around here.
That or the baby shoves a snot covered cheerio in my mouth in an effort to spread the love...
Posted by: J | September 2, 2006 10:28 AM
It's just not as much fun unless you can send them to school sick. I applaud your strategy: you're forcing them to get back into their groove, to tough it out, to learn to become functioning adults.
The alternative is whining at home. This, when you're a parent, is best done alone.
I hope you and your entire brood feel all better soon.
Posted by: Carmi | September 2, 2006 6:56 PM
I have, in the past, seriously considered fashioning a snot catheter and attaching it to a kid's nose, because I was afraid I would actually wipe the kid's nose into oblivion.
I feel ya, is what I'm saying.
Posted by: Contrary | September 3, 2006 7:39 AM
Long sleeves, in September? Girl, you need to move to Texas, where we wear long sleeves for about a week, sometime between January & February! Snot on the sleeves isn't an issue around here. Granted, my boys simply pull up the collar of their shirts to wipe, but at least the dried boogers are on the inside of their shirts, away from public display :)
I'm still thinking about wearing long sleeves right now...it's 90^ our right now, 100% humidity. Oh well!!!
Posted by: Jennifer | September 4, 2006 1:39 PM
lol @ cheering them on to blow effectively. We do that here, too!
Posted by: Izzy | September 4, 2006 3:17 PM
Ooh. I just had bad flashbacks of a cold my daughter had when she was 2. She was still at that age where I would tell her to blow her nose and she'd blow air out of her mouth instead.
Anyway, we bought a couch 3 onr 4 weeks before this cold, and I had these beautacious pillows on them. I went into the kitchen for a few minutes and when I came out she was literally scrubbing her face up and down on whichever pillow was closest.
And I'm talking thick, leaky snot.
I don't have pillows on my couch now because of that. Of course, my kids are 10 and 5, so it's probably moot, but still. Looked like slug trails.
Posted by: Melissa | September 5, 2006 9:51 AM
what's up with colds on the first day of school. We're all afflicted too. This makes me nuts!
Posted by: amy | September 5, 2006 12:02 PM