Uncle.
Okay, I have got to start grooving on the whole Winter Break thing, because it is almost over. Well, in five days. Not that I'm counting or anything.
This whole raising kids thing would be so much easier if, say, you were raising them with a pulley. My body is aching from all the hauling them overhead business. Or maybe in the basket of a catapult. Just pull the lever and chop the rope and you done raised them all the way into the next state.
I'm not doing so well on my no-cursing resolution, either. Why am I such a grumpy witch?
Could be that my children ate:
Cold cereal followed by oatmeal followed by yogurt followed by english muffins with peanut butter followed by turkey and apple slices followed by string cheese followed by dried blueberries followed by pistachios followed by bananas followed by hot chocolate. All by 11 am. And they were still complaining that they were starving. Apple sauce and spaghetti was followed by more dried blueberries. And more complaining of starvation. Chicken noodle soup from a can, crackers, more pistachios, glass of milk, more yogurt, more apple slices. Seriously. This was before 3 pm.
People, I was standing in my kitchen all day making little amuse bouche portions of things for the pickiest diners ever and they were horrible tippers. And they wouldn't take a hint and just go gnaw on the furniture. No, they kept at me, and I kept feeding them. And then feeding them some more.
Tomorrow, I'm putting my foot down. I'm not a short order cook, and I'm not going stand it one minute more. I'm going to make lumberjack sized portions of stick-to-their-protruding-ribs foods, and force them to eat their fill in one sitting. One big breakfast. One mid-morning snack. One lunch. One afternoon snack. And one ding-dang dinner.
And I think I'll forbid all talking, too. Except for compliments to the chef, of course.
Comments
Hysterical!!!
I say you make one big vat of oatmeal, hand them each a spoon and let em at it. If they complain they're still hungry and there is still oatmeal left, just direct their little bodies back to the vat.
You totally cracked me up!!
Posted by: MammaLoves | January 2, 2007 10:49 PM
Oh let me know how that no talking thing goes... I may have to implement it here ;-)
Posted by: chris | January 3, 2007 5:53 AM
I laughed out loud at your description of the amuse bouche portions. Happy New Year, Jenny!
Posted by: Donna | January 3, 2007 9:17 AM
omg! what *is* it with the eating?! i was lmao at the beginning of this post because i knew! i just felt you at every turn! how many freakin' yogurts can two kids eat in a day? at least 8, that's how many. seriously. enough already!
and amuse bouche? brilliantly used! hopefully today you've been allowed to roam the rest of the house freely....
Posted by: moxiemomma | January 3, 2007 11:49 AM
And they're still hungry?? If my kids ate that much they'd be hurling all over the place.
I hope things go better tomorrow!
Posted by: Wendy | January 3, 2007 11:58 AM
After that first list, I expected that you were going to say they were sick, not still hungry! Geez!!! My kiddos always say "I'm still hungry!", but never go for what's offered to them - I keep it totally healthy. If they're really hungry, they'll eat it, and I don't end up in the kitchen all freaking day :) We do the breakfast, lunch, snack & dinner thing, and occasionally I offer dessert to those that clean their plates. My youngest is the one with the hollow leg, as of late, so he'll eat just about anything I put in front of him. By the way, good luck with that grocery bill!!!!
Posted by: Jennifer S. | January 3, 2007 3:42 PM
MammaLoves cracked me up with her vat of oatmeal! My youngest son is also a grazer, and never wants to eat at a regular meal time. And yet, I don't want to give him a complex about food by telling him he doesn't know when he's hungry. Aarrgh!
Posted by: Elizabeth | January 3, 2007 6:27 PM
My kids just went back to school. I spent many days of vacation wiping off the kitchen counters after their next meal...it never ended, and I used alot of paper towels. Good luck to you.
Posted by: Pamela Hornik | January 3, 2007 9:44 PM
Mine goes on hunger strikes and then walks up to me all matter of factly and says "Mommy- I want carrots. Now." and she's 21 months. God help me when she realizes what chocolate is. Somehow I have hidden it's bliss from her so far.
Posted by: Kristen | January 3, 2007 9:49 PM
Here, here! It's much the same way in my house. You think YOU have picky eaters?? My daughters will try most anything, but I would be doing cartwheels for my son to even touch a pistachio or dried blueberry :-)
Posted by: Melissa R. Garrett | January 4, 2007 5:37 AM
YEAH!!! Before break, I was complaining about packing lunches, but I forgot about the short order cook thing. I was so frustrated, especially by my 10-year-old who seems to think that he needs hot chocolate 15 times a day, then when I ask him to make it himself, I'm stuck cleaning up hot chocolate powder from every surface in the kitchen. Also, he discovered hot cider, so that also was dribbled about the kitchen randomly. I was so glad to see him go to school again, where someone else can clean up after him!
Posted by: baseballmom | January 4, 2007 11:58 PM