Saturday morning started with rainstorms, falling coconuts and the crowing of a renegade rooster. At the luau the night before, we had made last-minute arrangements to meet my brother and his fiancee at a restaurant near the wedding site for a quick breakfast before an impromptu walk-through of the ceremony.

Although we left the house on time, we had to return to pick up some forgotten items, and as we sped down the mountain towards town, we realized that no matter how fast we drove, we were not going to get to the restaurant on time. After a flurry of cell-phone calls, we ended up skipping breakfast and heading straight to the beach location where the wedding was going to take place. Actually, before we headed to the reception, at one point, we had pushed my sister out of the car, and had her standing on the side of the road to flag down my brother's Jeep, before coming to our senses and realizing that she could be standing there for a good 15 minutes while the rest of us sat comfortably in the rental car and leered at her. Let's just say that I wish I had a photo of that, and also, low blood sugar and intermittant cell phone reception makes for hysteria and unintended drama.

We arrived at the rehersal, and began to walk towards the chosen site. We thought we were headed for the site, anyway. We were actually wandering a golf course, and it is a wonder none of us were knocked unconcious by a stray golf-ball. After our run-though, my parents and sister took off to find the "Grand Canyon" and I leaped at the chance to head to the Four Seasons for a massage.

OMG. Seriously. That massage right there was the highlight of my trip. And I'm not even remotely kidding. The bride-to-be, her best friend and I arrived at the spa. A lovely woman speaking in hushed tones escorted us to the locker room (which was more plush than most hotel suites) and showed us the facilities. We were all wide-eyed and trying desperately to act like we were old pros. Hahahahaha.

After our massages, we took our limp, kneaded bodies into the steam room, and enjoyed complete white-out conditions while reclining on the benches. After quick showers, we sampled every amenity. Hair gel? Check. Mouthwash? Check. Face Emulsion? Um...Okay! I really could have spent four hours just trying all the stuff on the counters.

After being pampered, we met up with my brother. Rick (my bro) and his fiancee (Amanda) decided that she needed to do some wedding stuff, leaving Rick and I free to go to lunch as a twosome. We saddled up to some margaritas and chips and then took a leisurely drive to a deserted beach. We giggled about ye olde days of our respective youths, and I placed a random cell-phone call to my husband and kids while knee deep in the surf. We also determined that SPF 50 + lots of sand + a little salt water = cement. Nice, huh? I should have been spending this time passing down shards of wisdom about his new role as Husband, but I found I had nothing to say. He'll figure it all out eventually. Cemented butt cracks was way more entertaining.

After playing in the surf, we headed back up the hill, so that Rick could drop my salt-crusted ass off. As we passed sugar cane fields, we were treated to a gorgeous triple rainbow. Something about all the fields got us laughing inappropriately about the Ulalena crazed field worker scene. He also shared the harrowing story of the Minihuni River of Blood Slaughter. I don't know how his facts check out, but hey, it was an entertaining tale.

Back at the house, we pulled up and discovered that my aunt Mindy, cousin Jackie and her daughter Victoria had arrived. I watched in wonder as they precision unpacked and then hid their luggage (and cringed at my open, spewing suitcase upstairs) while sipping a glass of POG. I had never heard of POG before. Pineapple, orange, guava juice. Neato, huh?

Shortly thereafter, my parents and sister blasted through the front door with news that the "Grand Canyon" was on another island, and they had spent six hours in the car trying to find it, nonetheless. Yeah, the massage was the best decision EVER. They did get to visit Lahaina and see most of the island, though, which is cool. Next through the door was Sonny and Gary, bearing armloads of flowers and food from Costco. We started drinking vodka, pronouncing it "Wodka" and eating these yummy meatballs and God knows what else. We took about 70 billion photos, and laughed ourselves silly. And then we went to bed. I think. So, so blurry on that. Wodka.