Just look at your darling kids! They continue to grow, thrive and enrich all of our family. Everything else is, what it is. In a perfect world, you would please everyone and meet all the expentations of family, friends, and career. All is important, but most important is your kids. You have much to be proud and grateful for. They are especially fortunate because you care and try and fill in the gaps with ever loving respect for everyone in your life. Chase the black doubts away my dear daughter. We all see the beautiful you!
Mom

Jenny, this is amazing. You've mirrored my life and my thoughts so perfectly.

I don't know how to make it easier on either of us. I so wish I did.

Denise twittered your post which is why I'm here. I've got well over 10 years on you, a grown kid and two teenagers. You know what? The older they get, the most out of whack life gets. I swear it makes no sense but there it is.

My hope for you is that you are able to sort out the answer to this question: 20 years from now, when you reflect on your family and who your kids and husband are and who you are, what do you want to see?

I think when you do that, you'll understand that you've ordered your priorities for that goal. I don't know you at all, but I do know just from this one post that you are one woman trying to do the best you can for your family in the time you've got every day. Whether or not you succeed to the standard you hold for yourself, the example you're setting is one that your kids will reflect back at you one day, and I think it'll be a really good one!

Wouldn't life be boring if we finished our to-do lists every day? ;-)

Thanks for being so willing to share...I walk in your shoes daily.

I have been feeling this same way recently. It got me thinking; I always wanted to be a SAHM, but my vision of what it would be and what it actually is are very different. Someone should tell you to think of yourself as a maid or a full time cook or an afterthought. Would you have ever applied for a job as a maid? Not that I am kicking that profession, but I personally am no housekeeper and despite one child and a part time job from home and the moniker SAHM, that hasn't changed. There are people that thrive on keeping a clean home, etc, but I'm not one of them. I think there are more of us than you realize. At the end of the day, my priority list goes something like, work, kid, dinner, laziness/me time. And that is about all I can do. Hang tight.

That's a lot to digest.

I should give you my Granny's phone number. She's full of little tidbits like "Your house will never be clean while you have children, and THAT'S OKAY because it means you're busy being parents."

Give yourself some credit lady - you're da bomb.

Oh my. I had lunch with my sister today and this is the very conversation we had. After many years of SAHM status we are both working full time. There's not enough Xanex in the world to cover the grief/guilt/terror that comes with uncharted territory. Just keep laughing. And keep posting - you'll keep us laughing too!

I can't top your mom's comment, but, I'm past my 35th birthday, and, I'm gradually learning things are what they are, you do your best, and, tomorrow is another day.

Aw, Jen! There are so many women out there who are like me, too chicken to even try all that you've done. Your kids are happy and healthy and live lives illed with magic and joy and fun. They have a loving mommy who is there for them. As for the organization and laundry and shit, that'll never go away. I'd say to delegate and outsource with a joyously defiant heart! As for the weight, you look great, and take it from your older sister... it's sort of like laundry...always needing something to be done with or about it. In my eyes, you're a success.

How does anybody do it all!!??? Being a great Mom is the single most important thing you can be and if some laundry doesn't get done or you have some cobwebs in the corners, who cares? Oh I wish we could separate taking care of the house from taking care of the family. I mean really. Sure things need to be sanitary and nice, but perfect just doesn't fit into most family scenarios. Unfortunately being a great Mom doesn't come with a paycheck and regular performance reviews so sometimes it feels like it has less value somehow. Like being great at 'just' that isn't enough. It is!!! Try not to beat yourself up and don't feel guilty if you want to use some of those few hours a week to recharge YOU - or do something FOR you.

Regarding the weight - sometimes I wonder if I stop obsessing about it - I will start to lose some, more naturally. ? That would be my luck for sure! :) Maybe that's what's happening for you. Hey - whatever makes you feel good!

We are the same person, I think.

My house is disasterous. I have no sense of how to decorate. Stuff is piled everywhere.

I have a 17m old son who is a joy, but who is upstairs moaning right now (2am) and I am waiting up to see if it will escalate into a full-blown cry or if he can settle himself down.

I have a 4yo daughter who started pre-school this fall. 2 mornings a week only, but she is enamoured.

I am still going to the gym 2 or 3 times a week in hopes if getting down to the weight i was before Pregnancy #2. I'm about 25lb away and eating far too many cookies.

I have a 11yo step son who lives with us and it seems like all i do is nag him about his homework and his trumpet practicing.

I work part-time out of the home and I don't have daycare. I have a MIL who babysits 5 hours a week, and the rest of my shifts are when my hubby is home. So we pass in the driveway a lot.

And I'll be 35 in March.

I felt every word of this post so deeply my eyes are leaking. Maybe it is the humiliation and difficulty of my day and trying to come to terms with SO many of these issues, or maybe it's just because it's the first day of my period, who knows?

All I know is that this resonated with me so much. Thank you for writing it. It helps to know that others are feeling things like this along with me.

For me, working part time gives my warped mind permission to do everything half assed. I know if I was here more or there more, nothing would be done any better than it is now so I get to have an excuse not to be great at either thing. I'm not proud of it but thats they way things seem to have worked out for me.

I have no answers as I sit on a conference call with work at home, blog while I'm waiting and stare at a kitchen full of dishes while hearing the timer go off in the laundry room. But I'm there with you. You're not alone feeling this way.

it is the "But I stay Home, so this shouldn't be a problem" arguement. I have it with myself all the time. My 3 have all been in school full time for 5 years now, and well my house is never as clean as I would like, laundry is never caught up, and homework is still being done at 9 pm. But as my oldest prepares to graduate I've made peace with it, simply because time with them is more important than anything else in the world. The magic is in having a family who doesn't mind your mess, and think of the mad skillz you are teaching them, you know like if you put it in the dryer it comes out wrinkle free.

You're singing my song dah'lin. You're singing so many of our songs. I CANNOT do it all and I've finally come to terms with that NOT meaning I suck overly-riped bananas and dog wads.

If I left the home to work in an office, there'd be even less hours, so I am calling it even and interviewing house cleaners - if they can cook? All the stinkin' better.

YOU are lovely and talented and hysterical and now you get time to be you and do "you" things. Not to get all Pollyana on you, but play the "Glad Game" with me, will ya?

Because if not, we might both just start bawling and I really don't have time to be weepy right now.

Pssssssssss... If ClubMom needs a severely overweight momma that is slowly moving down the scale have them give me a holler. I write about my journey every Monday over in OMSHville.

Oh, Jenny, your honesty and openness is an inspiration! I am so proud and happy that you have found something you love doing, are good at and are respected for! That is what so many of us strive to achieve and you have it!

And you want to know what? Your line about "success in the real world make up for my personal failures" is null and void. I have met your kids and know that they are wonderful, happy and very loved and taken care of.

Laundry schmaundry! Who cares? You be PROUD that you are kicking ass and taking names at work. YOU DESERVE IT!

And you inspire me. Honestly. You do. I am ready to be where you are: "For the first time in a very long time, this next year of my life is starting off on a new playing field. I'm doing something that I am good at, and I'm being appreciated for it - and I have to trust that the rest of the details will sort themselves out."

Beautiful, my friend!

Just wanted to say that I feel for you. I'm a SAHM but I'm definitely not much of a homemaker. The thing is, I stayed home to be present for my son--not because I wanted to do the laundry or clean the house. I'm pretty darn good at the parenting part so far (the kid's only 4), and I love it. But I never feel successful at--or particularly enjoy--the homemaker stuff. So I refuse to lose peace over it. Period.

It's so great that you lost weight after giving up the other blog. A little freedom can work wonders.

First of all...thank you so much for your honesty. Refreshing. Secondly, if you didn't have these problems...of buying milk and doing laundry...there would be others...trust me. And thirdly, perhaps the reason you can't let go is because you shouldn't. You are not a personal failure just because you aren't the perfect 60's housewife. Do you love your kids? Are you there for them as much as you possibly can be? Do you keep them relatively safe,relatively clean, relatively fed, relatively healthy? If you do...and I think you do...then you ARE a perfect success.

psst, jenny. don't look now, but your mom and sister rock. I'm bringing the wine for Thanksgiving---I want in on all that lovin'.

oh! and almond champagne!

Jenny, you are very thoughtful and introspective. Maybe you're not Martha Stewart or FlyLady -- how many of us are? I hope you find your peace. You've earned it.

Oh Jenny, I know EXACTLY what you are saying, and I am always beating myself up for exactly the same things. I can't seem to let go of this vision of a clean house with dinner quietly simmering on the stove...I'm a perfectionist and I hate not having my husband's shirts ironed, but not only are they NOT ironed, they are sitting with three other baskets of unfolded laundry on my bed!
I know my husband would like for the house to be clean and for there to be dinner on the stove every night, but he's been a stay-at-home dad and you know what? He was even worse than me. WAYYYY WORSE.
I asked him just a few days ago if he really cared that much about the house being messy, and he said no. He said he really didn't care, he just wanted all of us to be happy.
Of course, I still obsess about it.
Really, it's about accepting who you are, and Jenny, being a good housekeeper is different from being a good parent. They are not related.
And I ALWAYS suspect people who say, THESE are the best years, because what do they know? People told me that all the time in highschool -- these are the best years of your life -- and they were WRONG (thank God, or I'd have a really crappy life). Maybe the baby years were the best times for them, and that's great, but you might be a different person and REALLY love a different age. I recently had a pediatrician tell me she just loves five-year-olds. And there are some who really enjoy junior high kids, and even others who love that baby stage. Don't beat yourself up because you are not enjoying some stage that everyone says is the "best." When the best stage comes, you'll know -- because you'll be enjoying it.
You're like my twin separated at birth, Jenny. You write these things and they are a mirror of my thoughts. It's creepy, I tell ya. :)

Jenny,
Perhaps you have focused too much on the weight loss. Funny on the 6lb loss- sometimes we just have to let things go. It is so hard to get things done on the home front. I feel like I am constantly cleaning, picking up toys and shoes and dirty underwear in the middle of the floor. Not to mention kids who eat non-stop. I work full time and I admire those who can stay home and deal with it all day long. It is hard managing it for just the few hours I take charge each day!! You are 100% right to focus on the tiny moments. Wouldn't you rather it be said that you were a good mom than a good housekeeper?

My birthday is coming up. I'm going to be 28. I have been at home for seven years. My youngest is three. I am a HORRIBLE SAHM. It sickens me when I see those moms that keep their house tidy and the kids NEVER run through the grocery store like they are strung out on speed! The ones that host Christmas like Martha Stewart. Ha. The laundry is never done. I always look like I'm confused and don't know what's going on because there's four of them and one of me! Half the time my kids are crying or screaming or running or doing all three!

I love my kids. I do. There are days where I think that I would be happier if I achieved my Master's Degree by now. If I had been working for longer then two months at a time. If we didn't live by the seat of our pants. If I didn't watch everyone else achieve their goals.

On the other hand I would have missed my son walking to me for the first time. Or my other son FINALLY started talking to me at almost 4 years old. I would have missed seeing Kindergarten graduation and 5th grade graduation. I would have missed my daughters beautiful smile when I open my eyes and her asking "What ares you doin'?" At 5:30 am!

I cry over the things I missed for myself. Being a mom is selfless. Sometimes I just want to be selfish. I want to eat a hot meal and pee without interruptions! I know I'm doing the right thing. As are you. I long for the days they are all in school. Just so I can go to the store without the troops. I can make friends and have coffee.

One day it will all be over. We'll be watching our grandkids and wondering where the time went.

I feel your pain. My house is disaster. I hit 35 last month. Nothing ever seems to get done and lately I don't even have the energy to care. I haven't parked in my garage for six months because of the crap in there. My daughter has been waiting literally two years for me to finish her room. Blllaaaaahhhh! Makes one want to drink or have hissies and cut their hair off. I've been doing both lately. At least you are getting a career. I just have this habitual over-committing volunteer habit that takes 40 hours a week with no pay.