Three Kid Circus

In a move that will have everyone who has ever given me advice rolling their eyes and sarcastically applauding:

I've figured out that leaving the kids at home with my husband and going grocery shopping by myself is the only way to go.

For the last eight years, I've approached grocery shopping like a multi-sport team event, with my yowling children dangling from corners of carts, leaving a trail of bread crumbs behind us as we traveled around the store. Have you ever seen one of those cartoon brawl images - where you see a random arm and leg sticking out of a ball of dust? With maybe a few &#@#*(@&!!! coming from the heap?

That's like me and my kids at the store.

So yesterday, I took myself to Trader Joe's, and meandered around the aisles. I meandered, seriously. I was all smelling things, and reading labels and pondering. I PONDERED.

No flat out sprints down the snack food aisle, praying that we made it to the end with only one bag of Pirate's Booty, instead of an assortment of random salted crispy things. No terror-filled brushes with the cheese case. No panic in the liquor aisle. And no, the panic is rarely related to OMG HOW AM I GOING TO FIT ALL THESE BOTTLES OF BOOZE IN THE CART? No don't touch. No nuh-uh. No...no.

Just me, and my purse. And a cart full of food that I totally got to choose. Aw yeah.

I decided to buy a tub of miniature chocolate chip cookies. Super-crispy ittie-bittie cookies.

And I'm eating 'em by the handful. I've got a history of cookie abuse, but these could be my downfall. They don't count if they are only the size of a quarter, right? You'd have to eat, like, the whole bucketful, right?

(Oh Em Gee, I've eaten the whole bucket.)

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Comments

You are SO much more brave than I ever was! I went shopping and left the kids home. All 2 of them. But then - I hate grocery shopping so I didn't want to corral children at the same time.

Those rare moments alone are great, aren't they? Sigh-h.

Posted by: BetteJo | October 1, 2007 8:32 PM

Are you kidding? Late night shopping ALONE while the hubz takes on the kids is The. Best! I always treat it like a date (with myself) bc I dress up, dab a bit of perfume, blast the van radio, and drive like I'm twenty-two again...yup, all the way to Safeway, yo!!!

And, don't worry, I'm the same with Orange Milanos. Have you seen how small those bags are??? Sheesh!

Posted by: Mama's Moon | October 1, 2007 10:07 PM

They don't count...and neither do those little tiny ginger snaps they sell.

Posted by: Shug | October 2, 2007 7:47 AM

Dude, I have left the land of Trader Joe's (alas!) but long ago I had to be restricted from buying the teeny tiny crispity chocolate cookies therein. They are DANGEROUS.

Posted by: Mir | October 2, 2007 8:20 AM

Those cookies?

SERIOUSLY, the best cookies ever.

Posted by: carmen | October 2, 2007 10:23 AM

I think the grocery store kept us from having more than two kids. Going from man-to-man to zone defense? Isn't as easy as y'all make it look!

Posted by: FannieMae | October 2, 2007 2:08 PM

My mom takes my girls for me on Wednesday afternoons, also known as "grocery, library, pay bills, watch bad tv, eat chocolate, and the occasional dirty awesome liaison with the husband day". I still shop with the girls sometimes, but if it can be avoided, it is done so with a powerful need (much like the occasional dirty awesome liaison with the husband). ANYWAY, eat the whole damn thing. You don't want your body to worry that you're starving and have it start hording calories, do you?

Posted by: Elaine | October 2, 2007 7:58 PM

I never, ever take my children grocery shopping unless it is a life lesson like "How to pick out produce, budget and look for bargins" etc.

I've gone at 3 am to just shop in peace and quiet.

BTW-I discovered chocolate covered "Digestive Biscuits" while in the UK last week. Don't let the name fool you. They are a little bit of cookie heaven.

Seven packages later I will just say that it is a DAMN good thing that they don't make them here.

Posted by: Loralee | October 2, 2007 8:42 PM

I am a mess when I shop with the kids. Friday I lost my wallet. Tore the house apart. Tore my car apart. Turns out I left it at the last stop, the grocery store. Then I realized it might have happened when my 2 year old was attempting to escape the cart for the zillionth time and almost fell and my 9 year old was talking about candy and money for the claw machine.

So, as a mom who has at least a small idea what you were celebrating, I am going to give you sage advice passed on to me. If you eat them with a diet coke the calories don't count.

Posted by: Michele | October 2, 2007 9:14 PM

Grocery shopping alone...ahhh. It means never having to say, "NO. It's not on the list."

Posted by: Nancy R | October 3, 2007 8:22 AM

I totally agree, but, the kicker, did you forget anything?????
also, cookies shared with friends is like negative calories?? right??? R

Posted by: Rhianna Finnegan | October 4, 2007 9:22 AM

I go to great lengths to shop alone (hello, 10 p.m.!)

And, I confess that I've eaten my share of those little cookies. They look so harmless!

Posted by: Melodee | October 4, 2007 10:59 AM

Right! saying NO isn't on the list! I love when my husband takes the kids shopping, he comes out fried out from that alone. LOL

Now he knows what I go through 24/7.

I don't give him pity either I sent him right outside with the garbage. LOL

poor guy!