Is She Or Isn't She?
I bought myself a cute top on clearance at Target the other day. It's a pretty turquoise, and has a square neck, a smocked bodice, gathered peasant-style sleeves and OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FINE! I BOUGHT A MATERNITY SHIRT.
And it is cute, and I didn't realize it was maternity until after I got it home and it was on clearance and I technically don't care if anyone thinks I'm a few months pregnant because that's easier to explain than the padding around my middle and it is a really good color on me.
And...I'm reaching for justifications. I'm keeping it. Wore it today, in fact.
I just got home from the grocery store, when I realized that a day like today needed an alcohol-enhanced finish to it. The grocery store was filled with panicked last minute shoppers clutching Easter lillies and bags of jelly beans. I grabbed the few things I needed and waltzed up to the checkout counter where the teenaged checker kept grabbing the microphone and bawling "I need a lunch break on 8."
She was looking pretty desperate. She kept telling her bagger that she sure felt sick, and man did she need her break. Man. She totally, totally felt sick. And people, she needed her break.
So the couple in front of me, both dressed in scrubs and buying about 40 2 liter bottles of various soda and a carton of cigarettes, finally pushed their cart out of the way, and I loaded my gin and tonic water and Ben and Jerrys onto the belt. Oh. Hmm. I was making a snarky comment about the medical professionals buying crap and then there's me in my maternity shirt buying booze and ice cream.
Maybe I should followed them home and joined the party. Bet I would have fit right in.
Anyway, the checker finally got approval to close her lane, and sighed with relief. "Ya'll. I better not be knocked up. I think I might be, because I'm so sick and I have a headache, but I'm not ready to be dealing with that." she said, while sweeping her hand up and down in the direction of my abdomen.
"Oh, um. Hmm." I said, keeping my eyes on the numeric keypad and trying not to either laugh or cry.
"Fer reals. I'm so sick and barfy and if I've got a bun in the oven? It would be really bad."
I smile at her. "Well, I hope you feel better!" I try to be chipper, and attempt to help the bagger load my cart faster.
The checker leans her chin onto her fist and looks at me. "Man, I'm going to get all fat." Another gesture at my shirt.
I made a noise like a strangled cat and pushed the cart out of the store, breathing through my nose so hard my nostrils were flapping.
I loaded the groceries in the van and sat in the front seat, hands clenching the wheel and trying to sort out my feelings about all this. Then I started laughing. And howling.
And then I came home and made a drink. The end.
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Comments
Ha. I was going to say, keep the shirt. 'Cause I have one that's like a thermal type shirt but smocked up at the top and TW always calls it my maternity shirt but it's comfortable and I like it.
But uh. If you're gonna have to field discussions about pregnancy from strangers - maybe it's not worth it?
Posted by: Denise | March 23, 2008 5:35 AM
You almost forget how being pregnant inevitably brings TMI from total strangers. Funny story.
Posted by: Amy@UWM | March 23, 2008 6:38 AM
You know, I really like some of my summer maternity shirts. I've been tempted to wear them when I wasn't pregnant. This pregnancy I'll be done in May so I probably won't even get to crack into my fave shirts. Oh well!
Posted by: Heather | March 23, 2008 6:09 PM
thank god for gin&tonic
:)
Posted by: jenijen | March 23, 2008 10:20 PM
Lmao! That's hilarious! And I bet that shirt looks great, hehe. ;-)
Posted by: Jessi | March 24, 2008 8:52 AM
That is hilarious. Well, I know you didn't think it was funny...but I too have a shirt with an empire waist that people call my "maternity" shirt. People at work have wondered the same thing about me. So, not laughing at you but with you!
Posted by: Southernbelle | March 24, 2008 10:33 AM
i have a shirt hanging in my closet, and i wear it on occasion, but it was my maternity shirt that i just cannot get rid of! If it looks great, wear it!
Posted by: beth | March 24, 2008 1:05 PM
Those darn checkers!! Kids these days, huh? Thank goodness for the goodness that is Gin and Tonic!!
Posted by: Ren | March 24, 2008 8:07 PM
Ha ha ha! (Sorry.)
Posted by: Oh, The Joys | March 26, 2008 7:08 PM
Oh thank you, I've got tears in my eyes. I got asked whether I was pregnant once, but I was helping this brand new couple pick out baby clothes and had one of those baby doll clothes.
Posted by: Nicole/wksocmom | March 27, 2008 10:01 PM
ROFL! This is SO something that would happen to me.
And the shirt sounds adorable.
Posted by: Katrina Stonoff | March 28, 2008 7:29 AM
Maternity clothes have come a LONG way since my pregnancies! In fact, with the high wasted empire line shirts in style now it's hard to see a difference between regular and maternity.
Posted by: Tammy | March 29, 2008 8:01 AM
First time reader here. . from becauseisaidso.com's blog.
just wondering if you were looking at the scrub folks and their carts, wonder what they thought of the 'pregnant' gal behind them with gin? :) funny post. thanks for the laugh. i personally like many of the maternity styles . . sometimes better than regular clothes. if it looks good, wear it.
Posted by: a kentucky momma | March 29, 2008 11:56 AM
Hi - I followed a link from Dawn's blog and glad I did! Thanks for the laugh! But I'd still totally keep the shirt. I have a couple of maternity shirts that I still wear! (My daughter is 3 now!) And I love them. But really, the way they are made, you wouldn't really be sure if they were maternity unless you look at the tag. I'm very thankful for those shirts some days. Oh, and I wore my favorite black maternity pants for a VERY long time after she was born! LOL!
Posted by: Jennifer @Chronicles of a Night Owl | March 29, 2008 5:04 PM
crack me UP! I just got an ebay shirt that was described as a navy blue empire waisted SLIMMING blouse...
you got it...it HAS to be a maternity shirt!
(i wore it anyway)
I work in a retail pharmacy...and had a long time customer congratulate me on my pregnancy...(before the empire shirt)
I told her I wasn't pregnant
(I'm ffffffff...ffffffffffffoooorrrrrrr...
one of them 'f-word' years old)
and then??
she ARGUED with me about it!! LOUDLY!!
love it, love it, love it
Posted by: eileen wilson | March 29, 2008 6:47 PM
I THINK I BOUGHT THIS SAME SHIRT AT TARGET THE OTHER DAY! IT WAS ON CLEARANCE RIGHT? AND IS THERE A PINKISH-SALMON COLORED ONE TOO? I BOUGHT THAT ONE TOO!
Posted by: Manic Mommy | March 29, 2008 7:11 PM
I'm always prepared to give the answer to the question, "When are you due?"
My answer will be "2 years ago."
Posted by: A Whole Lot of Nothing | March 29, 2008 7:19 PM
I'm so sorry to laugh at your need for your day to end on an alcohol-enhanced finished but that was hilarious. I was rolling by the time I got to the part you howling in the van.
Thanks for the laugh.
Posted by: my3texasboys | March 29, 2008 9:24 PM
I came your way via dawns blog. Great story! I only wore my maternity pants for a couple weeks after the boys were born. I was sad to put them away but also so glad that I wan't pregnant anymore.
They maternity clothes now are so cute if they had those when I got mine I would still be in them too!
Posted by: Michelle Best | March 30, 2008 7:19 AM
Hiya,
I love reading your stuff, and am slowly plowing through your archives...great stuffs! I am commenting to let you know that you & Dawn (mommy2my6pack) have inspired me to start my own blog...not sure how well it'll go over, but I'll be able to look back and remember things in years to come, and I thank you for that :)
BB
Posted by: Jodi | April 7, 2008 6:32 AM