I pushed the driver's side door of my van open with one hand, and then went to finish the job with my foot. Somehow, I managed to connect my big toenail with metal, and broke the nail right down the middle. It immediately started to throb and bleed, and I got woozy.

But then I put a bandage on it and a handful of frozen peas in a lunch baggie.

I really wanted to make something more of that story, but there it is. It's over. I can't even do drama well.

Want to know what I am good at? Making a jackass of myself. Want to read all about one of those times?