I do most of my grocery shopping at Trader Joe's. For the few things I need that they don't carry, I typically shop at the Safeway around the corner from my house. And yet, whenever I send my husband to the store, he always goes to the Raleys that is not only farther away, but more expensive.

I rib him about it, and demand that he shops where I shop, but no. He goes out of his way to not shop at the Safeway. This has been going on for several years now.

Finally, yesterday, we had a break-through.

"I just can't stand it when they hand me my receipt and call me Mr. Lopez." said my husband, looking sheepish.

Apparently, 10 years or so ago, the Lopez family had our telephone number. And the Safeway computers are convinced that I am Mrs. Lopez. Now, I've told them several times at the store that I am NOT Mrs. Lopez, and they've scrawled a 1-800 number on my receipt and told me to call and update the records. I forget about it until the next time. Lather, rinse, repeat.

"You know that it isn't their fault - I just haven't called to change the name on their records, right?"

My husband gives me A Look. You know that look. The "sitting on your ass eating bon-bons all day again?" look. I gave him A Look of my own.

"I kind of like it. Mrs. Lopez is my alter-ego. She's my secret identity, and no one knows that it is NOT Mrs. Lopez, but in fact Jenny Lauck who is buying all those rolls of toilet paper and gallons of milk. Bwahahahahaha!"

He didn't say anything after that. We got in the car and drove on home. I could tell he was thinking on it, though. We can be like Mr. and Mrs. Smith, except not assassins. We'll just be incognito grocery shoppers. That's sort of the same thing, except with more savings.