My co-workers keep using the phrase "as one does" and it never fails to crack me up. Nothing like a little snooty-sounding phrase in third-person dismissive to liven up the mediocre contents of a sentence.

"I was sending an email reminder - as one does - and my computer crashed! Quelle tragédie!"

Try it yourself, but make sure you put on your best spoiled heiress accent when you do it.

My family isn't as receptive to this particular turn of phrase, relying AS ONE DOES on the usual farts, burps and whines that seem to make up the vocabulary of tweens. I will declare victory when one of them uses the phrase. Stay tuned.

In other non-news, I signed up my two youngest for fencing. I was going to sign them up for some sort of martial arts, and thought to myself - Karate! Tae Kwon Do! But then I saw that classes were three days a week, and my head started sparking and I fell on my side. You know, as one does.

I could probably get them to lessons three times a week, but they are just getting back into a routine, and for my son especially, the transition to 6th grade will be a killer. So, I figured, one day a week was better than three, and signed them up for fencing instead.

Yesterday was their second session, and I don't know what the hell is going on in there. I'm sure they are learning valuable things and that all the games and activities the instructor is doing with the kids serve as training for speed, agility and strength, but it is really damn funny to see a grownup pelting kids with playground balls while the kids flail around the room, pretending to be on fire. Given the way my weeks go sometimes, I am totally going to volunteer to be the one that throws things at the kids. I think it will be great therapy. Plus, the kids are learning! Or something!

I question whether encouraging my two youngest to engage in an activity that involves poking each other with foils is a good idea, but they seem to be having fun. I'm just going with it.

In October, my oldest is going to start ballroom dancing/social etiquette lessons and I cannot wait. Think of all the opportunities to say "as one does!" She's totally not excited about it, but WHATEVER, I say. You will learn to waltz and you will like it! Also, you will learn not to act like your dance partner has cooties! Maybe!

Who knew that the largest takeaway from enrolling my children in extra-curricular activities would be my own fiendish glee?